Sunshine, seashells, and spiritual growth

Bryant has traveled for work a handful of times, and as a result, has accrued airline and hotel points...and even a car rental coupon!  We are so thankful he gets to redeem these for personal use, and we decided to do so with a trip to the beach.  We capitalized on a sale Southwest ran a couple months ago and only later realized part of the reason we found such a great deal on tickets was because our destination, Fort Myers, FL, was still in recovery from Hurricane Ian.  

Since our time there was going to be somewhat limited, and we knew things there were not as readily available as normal, we took time at home to plan our trip (activities, meals, etc.), so we would not spend our precious time doing so while we were there.  Of course, things change and cause plans to change, but we were still glad to have a framework and somewhat of an understanding as to what to expect (and what to pack).  Our research lead us to believe we would fare just fine in our forty-eight hours there (and we did); after all, our primary goal was beach time.

I did not grow up going to the ocean and have only done so a handful of times. Even so, there is something about being on the water that is so...wonderful/refreshing/healing, for me.   I also just really love to search for and find seashells.  Even run-of-the-mill freshwater shells found on the muddy banks of midwestern lakes and rivers thrill me (even if just a little bit).  So, you can imagine my surprise and delight when my looking into a Sanibel Island (off the coast of Fort Myers) beach recommendation led me to find out it has world-renowned shelling beaches.   I was nearly teary with anticipation a couple days before we left, because the kids have also developed a love of finding seashell treasures, and I was so excited to share this place and experience with them.

After reading more about the devastation and rebuilding after the hurricane, I was thinking about what we might experience at our destination.  I had thoughts about what God might teach me during time on the beach, and here is the spiritual lesson I was pondering even before setting foot on the sand (and shells):

The landscape and flora of the beach are battered and still re-growing.  The water is not crystal clear, as I hear it once was.  But the foundation of the beach - the sand and endless shells - remains…and there are new treasures to be found with each passing wave.  Lamentations reminds us God's mercies are new every morning, and this beach is such a tangible reminder of this truth.  There was beauty before the storm, and even amidst the resulting chaos and destruction, there is beauty after.  Our foundation in the Lord remains before, during, and after the storms and waves of life, and there are treasures, glimpses of joy, to be found through it all.  Cheesy as it might be, I was not going to let this lesson be lost on me.

That is the lesson I thought I would learn, and I did...but then, it got personal.

Let me preface this next part by letting you know about another reason for this trip:

I had been wanting to get away and have an adventure for a long time.  We travel somewhat often, but it is usually to the same places to see the same people.  While this is good and necessary and fun, it is not new.  Bryant graciously wanted to send me on a solo beach trip, but in my own reflection on this type of trip and how guilty I knew I would feel about collecting seashells without little helpers, for example, I asked if we could take a family trip and maybe just get some time to myself while we were there.  He was happy to oblige, and I am thankful we had (and took) this opportunity.  That said, doing anything with children is complicated.  Life can be hard, even in paradise.  

I also need to preface this by telling you how much Jacob relies on his goggles to have an enjoyable experience in water of any sort.  He really dislikes having water in his eyes, even when having the most fun.  Thankfully, he is not to the point of not going in the water without them, but historically, he has not hesitated to let it affect his demeanor and/or level of enjoyment.

So, the first installment of "Kensy Has an Emotional Breakdown on Vacation" was triggered by my own mistake:

I had worked so hard to gather everything we needed for the beach - both prior to our trip as well as the morning we left the hotel room.  (I thought) I had gotten everything we needed packed and ready to grab upon departure.  Upon arrival, after some beach exploration, Jacob was ready to swim and asked for his goggles.  I unpacked the IKEA bag of the one million things we had brought, then searched the car for the special bag of kids hats, sunglasses, and goggles and realized it had not actually made it to the beach bag.  Of course, we had not gone to the eight-minutes-from-our-hotel beach, but rather, one on an island thirty minutes and a bridge toll away, so going back for them was not necessarily an option.  Knowing how much not having goggles would affect Jacob's level of enjoyment and being disappointed in myself for not having my stuff together as much as I thought sent me into an emotional (read: tearful) spiral as I walked back from the car to our spot on the beach.  I realize (then and now) that he can learn to suck it up and be ok with change; that we can model flexibility for and build resiliency in our kids (and ourselves)...but that was not at the forefront of my mind, at the time.

My family was so gracious about it.  Jacob, through squinty, salt-water-rubbed eyes, but upon seeing how upset I was, said, "No big deal, Mom - I can just swim without them."  Bryant offered for me to take a solo beach stroll and cool off.  Though I did not take him up on it immediately, I later did.  It was on that stroll I found two very unique and beautiful shells (keeping all the pics together at the end of this post - peep them there) next to some of the rubble from the storm (concrete with seashells in it, mind you).  The shells were not even buried - they were sitting on the sand...and had not been picked up by any of the other shellers strolling that morning.  I am getting teary just writing about this, because it seemed as though they were placed there just for me.  I felt so seen and cared for by the Lord in that moment, and while I am not proud or glad about how I reacted to the situation, I am thankful for the very evident subsequent gift.

I was also glad (later) for the opportunity it gave the kids to practice grace.  As I alluded to earlier, Jacob does not even tolerate bath water in his eyes well and wears goggles almost the whole time he is in a pool, so salt water in his eyes was definitely cramping his style.  He handled it so well though and barely complained or mentioned it (pretty uncharacteristic of him in this stage of life).  The grace and empathy he (and Lydia) showed me were encouraging on many levels.  We were also able to patronize a woman selling her wares in the parking lot of her no-longer-functional souvenir shop building.  We found goggles (pink and blue, even, and 50% off!) there, and also a souvenir magnet I probably would have forgotten to stop for otherwise.

It was during my solo stroll that the car FOB (for the push-button-start Charger we'd rented (it was what they had left in the size we needed the night we arrived, and Jacob was so excited about "the Dodge")) accidentally took a dip in the ocean.  Thankfully, we did not get stuck on the island.  The FOB was finicky, but still worked...until we were leaving dinner that evening.  Ever-the-engineer, Bryant took the FOB apart, cleaned it up a bit, and deduced a new battery might help.  By the grace of God, we were right next to the local grocery store (one I had hoped to explore a bit sometime while we were there, because I had heard great things: Publix), and they were open for (just!) five more minutes.  By the grace of God, again, the new battery worked, and we made it back to our hotel.

The new battery also worked when we tested it a few times that night, as well as the next morning when I took the car to pick up breakfast for my solo beach morning (we were up before the hotel breakfast was served).  It did not work, however, when I had my breakfast in hand and was ready to head to the beach.  I tried not to panic and noticed an O'Reilly's across the street that was, amazingly, open at 7:30 on a Saturday morning.  Unfortunately, the man behind the counter did not have any miracle fixes or parts, but had a couple references to the dealership or locksmith.  I walked back to the car on the verge of tears, and the second installment of "Kensy Has an Emotional Breakdown on Vacation" commenced.  The O'Reilly's employee mentioned something about bypassing the necessity for the FOB if there was power to the gauges, which prompted me to try starting it from accessory mode.  By the grace of God (yes, again), this worked.  I called Bryant, in a full-on meltdown (lots of emotions at play here), to talk through what to do next.  He and the kids had planned to have hotel breakfast in bed (Jacob's request) before hitting up the hotel pool (also Jacob's request).  They pivoted, and he very wisely and very graciously formed a plan to for me to drive back to the hotel (and leave the car running), have the kids eat breakfast in the car, drop me off at the beach, and take the rental back to the airport (less than a half hour away) to exchange for another.  This plan worked beautifully.  It even gave us a (second) chance to visit Publix together to pick up lunch, them a chance for lunch in bed, and me a chance to hit up the thrift store right next to the hotel before heading to another beach for a little more solo time.

That morning, as I was trying to decompress and enjoy my little piece of paradise, God gave me another couple of beautiful and unique shells (among others).  More tears flowed, but this time, they were tears of gratitude; for the time, the place, the husband, the kids, the ways He was showing up for me/us - all of it.  Also during this time, there was a helicopter making passes overhead with a grappling hook at the end of a rope hanging from it.  As I was observing this, I asked a local about it, and she pointed me to the crew on the ground loading debris onto the hook (on a Saturday morning, nonetheless).  She said they take it to a pile near where she lives, and it disappears from there.  

I do not know if it was the time and headspace to be reflective, the water, or what, but I could not help but draw a spiritual lesson from this, as well.  As a crew was working to extract debris from a previously-lush-but-re-growing mangrove, the Lord was working in my heart to extract the lies and negative feelings that had accumulated.  The hurricane hit the area close to a year ago, and they are still removing debris.  The hurricanes (and even small showers) of life can leave debris in our hearts, no matter what we do to avoid it.  It it the important work of excavation and regrowth in which we need to remain diligent.  This work is rarely easy; some debris can be hauled out on foot, while other pieces require a team (and maybe even equipment).  Through it all, beauty remains, and there is redemption.

I would like to think that, at the risk if TMI, it being "that time of the month" for me largely contributed to my emotional responses to the hiccups in the trip.  My body was definitely working against my emotional regulation, and while this does not negate my feelings, it (hopefully) explains the level of my reactions.  I wish I could know how it might have been different had my hormones been in better check, but at the same time, I am grateful for the lessons learned.  As alone as I tend to feel when I am in those emotional states, my family and the Lord went out of their way to support and encourage me.  I felt seen and cared for and not alone, and for that, I am so thankful.

I recently heard on the following quote on a podcast: "A change is as good as a rest."  This concise statement sure packs a punch and really resonated with me.  This vacation was not necessarily restful in the sleeping/relaxing sense, but it was certainly a change, and a welcome one, despite the hiccups.  I want to acknowledge the privilege with which I know I write this - we were privileged to be there (time, resources, etc.), and now, I am privileged to be afforded the time to process and document these thoughts and experiences.  I am blessed to have such a supportive, loving husband and sweet, resilient, friendly, independent kiddos.  The Lord redeemed the minor snags in this trip (even if they did not seem minor, at the time) in big ways.  He redeems moments/circumstances/interactions/hearts so often, but for me, at least, they are not always so easy to recognize...or so easy share about through picturesque views and beautiful seashells.  ;)

Thank you, as always, for allowing me to share, for reading, and for caring.  Feel free to send me the bill for the talk therapy.  ;)

And now, the moment you've all been waiting for - the pictures:

Don't worry - the Nicki Minaj reference was only for my own amusement and benefit. ;)

Jacob and I still play Wordle on a somewhat regular basis. 
We couldn't believe the day's word a couple days before our departure!

So glad to live so close to the airport and incredibly grateful for willing and available neighbors!

We were excited to explore the newly remodeled airport and even more excited to find a Lego store there!

These two with their play-by-play commentary, though...

I don't know if he saw someone else doing this, or what, but it was completely unprompted.

The first of three Florida sunsets greeted us as we left the airport!

Our hotel points were for the Holiday Inn, so that's where we stayed, and we were surprised (and delighted) to find resort-style towel art!

This one was new and so cute, to me.

Sanibel Island Lighthouse Beach

This is how the entire beach is - unbelievable, right?! 
Yes, there was sand, but mostly, there were shells. ♥ 

The house part of the lighthouse is gone, but the light itself still stands.

perfecting their "Sanibel Stoop"

We did not see any sea turtles but still cool to see this nest.

rubble in the ocean...and shells in the concrete

These were the beautiful and unique shells I found on my solo stroll.

We got some special time together, just the two of us, while B and L went for a (successful!) naptime drive.

She was so proud to have successfully executed the seashell mold!

That face when the shows you thought were always on hotel TVs aren't actually showing...

♥

Photo credit: Jacob

There were maybe two or three other families within shouting distance; it felt like we had the beach to ourselves.

I wrote this one...

...and Jacob took it upon himself to write his own. ☺

outside Publix while Daddy got a replacement battery for the car FOB

solo-beach-morning setup on San Carlos Beach (recommended by a local B sat next to on the plane)
♥

post-tears selfie

my surprise shells from God that morning

I know it's difficult to see, but there's a rope with debris at the end hanging from the helicopter.

They did not contain their excitement about Publix having a car cart.

You know I had to support this local establishment right next to our hotel...and I even found a few treasures!

Fort Myers Beach

I'd heard great things about sub sandwiches from Publix - esp. when eaten on the beach - and this did not disappoint!

one of a few misplaced boats we saw

This waterfront restaurant had just reopened, and we were glad to get to enjoy some local seafood (and key lime pie) there.

"build a sandcastle with a moat" goal: accomplished

He wanted to write "Jacob's Sandcastle - please do not step on it," but settled for just his name.

This trial seating set-up wasn't actually sustainable, but we made it - haha. 
The kids were really great travelers.  Upon landing in back in KC, Lydia said, "I don't want to be here.  I want to go flying again."

Thankful for a strong Daddy to carry this load (and a bunch of unbelievably-fine sand Jacob insisted on bringing home) in our carry-on.  Rinsing and drying these also meant rediscovering them, which was so fun.  Will spend the next week sorting, graphing, crafting, and gifting them.  ☺

Other, non-pictured, highlights:

• enjoying an extended lunch visit with Bryant's grandma during our three-hour layover in Nashville (She lives in a suburb and was able to meet us at the airport!)
• a dolphin sighting(!)
• trying alligator (everyone approved)
• a sunset-on-the-beach family photo (Coming to a Christmas card near you, thanks to a really kind and capable family from Germany who graciously said, "Sure!" when we asked them to take a picture for us.  We were thankful to have found someone on the nearly-deserted beach to do so!)
• swimming in the hotel pool (which actually felt more like a hot tub)

Sun-kissedly,

Kensy

Favorites of the day:

returning from vacation in the middle of the day and being able to unpack, cycle laundry, tend to the garden, and get to bed at a decent time all before the week starts

sending the kids camping with Grandma & Grandpa post-vacation and being able to write a blog post about it all right away, rather than two months later

Kouign-Amann pastries