Sunday, October 18, 2020

Our 2020 (so far)

2020 has been a lot of things for a lot of people.  There's been so much going on globally, nationally, locally...and the majority of what we hear about has been steeped in negativity.  My lack of comment on the world’s happenings is not out of ignorance or lack of compassion - I am just as saddened/frustrated/confused/scared as the next person.  Those feelings, however, are ones I'd rather not sit in, and I'm not one to stir the pot.  Instead, I'd like to share a couple (major) silver linings that have shown around the clouds of 2020 in our little corner of the world in an effort to spread some positivity and light.

First of all, and probably most obviously, we became a family of four!  Lydia Kaylynn was born September 9th - the day before her due date.  (If you're interested in her birth story, I've documented it here.)  Her first name is one we've liked for a long time, and her middle name is both her grandmothers' middle names combined.  What a precious gift she is!
(A generous and thoughtful group of friends gifted us a newborn/family photo session with a talented friend from church (@ladder_and_lens - if you're in the KC area, be sure to check her out - she'll be doing holiday mini-sessions soon!).)  

Many of you have asked how Jacob is adjusting, and I know even more of you are probably wondering.  He was very excited for us to come back from the hospital and barely took time to greet his dad and I before taking a peek at "baby sister."  It took less than 24 hours, however, for him to say things like, "I don't love it when she cries" and "When is she going to leave?"  He has come around, though, and we've all settled in more and more with each passing day.  He truly loves to help - fetch things, help with bath, feed her, etc., so that's been fun.  Any feelings of jealousy/neglect/annoyance/etc. have manifested themselves in some behavior issues, so that hasn't been fun.  He's been such an easy kiddo thus far, so these probably seem worse than they are, simply because he's been so good up until now.  He's also three, though, so these things are probably to be expected - new baby or not.  I've shed some tears over it all - both in frustration and exhaustion, but also a bit in mourning our "only child" and wondering if/when he'll go back to the way he was.  But then I realize that's expecting the impossible of him - life is different for all of us in a forever sort of way.  I've needed to tap into some extra grace for both him and myself as we navigate the new.  The year has been full of transition and change, and I think we are all craving some routine and normalcy - certainly in this house, at least.  Whether or not reestablishing some sort of routine will help with the adjustment period is yet to be seen, but either way, we'll figure it out.  

Perfect capture of the face we get when asking him to smile, these days. 
Of course he would choose the month he gains a sibling and we'd like to take allll the cute pictures to decide to try his hand at fake-smiling.
Moments like this make it all worth it, though.
(This was unpromted...he really does love her.)

Lydia has been such a good baby!  The first week or so was a bit rocky, as expected - hormones, all the changes, lack of sleep, etc. - but once we got our "newborn legs" under us, a bit, we started settling in more and more.  The most challenging thing, so far, as with our last baby, has been figuring out feeding.  She nurses like a champ, but for whatever reason, doesn't get enough milk from me, so we're supplementing some formula.  This is what we did with Jacob, as well - it just didn't take us as long to figure out what to do with Lydia.  It was still a hard thing for me, though, and I don't know if I can fully explain why except to say I was simply disappointed.  Disappointed it wasn't different this time (as I sort of expected being our second child).  Disappointed in my body and/or myself for not being able to figure out how to make it work better.  And once I realized and accepted it's out of my control, disappointed that it didn't work better.  I'm in a much better place now, though, and it's all going just fine.  A sweet perk of supplementing has been Jacob being able to help feed Lydia.  Early on, I think he was disappointed that I was the only one able to feed her, because due to books we'd read and things he'd observed, he assumed all babies ate from bottles and he'd be able to help.  So, when he first saw the bottle out, he said, "That will be easier!" meaning that would be easier for him to use to feed her.  He immediately asked to help, and of course, we obliged.  This was something I'd forgotten he would want to help with, so hadn't expected him to be so anxious to be included.  His enthusiasm and joy made all the other emotions/turmoil I'd been experiencing totally worth it.
Secondly:
As many of you know, and others may have picked up on, Bryant (along with almost 50% of the company he worked for) was laid off due to COVID at the beginning of August (after being furloughed in July and asked to burn most of his vacation days in June).  This was something we had sort of anticipated at the beginning of "all this" in March, but as spring turned into summer, we thought there was less of a chance of it happening, so it came as quite a surprise.

You may be thinking, as we were, "What about insurance?  Aren't you expecting a baby?"  This was definitely one of the things we were most concerned about.  Because he worked one day at the beginning of August, our insurance plan through his employer would be good through the end of August - right before we were expected to deliver a baby in early September.  Bryant did an amazing job researching potential options for us, and as a result, he discovered that I, as a pregnant woman, qualified for Medicaid (so did Jacob).  That meant my appointments and Lydia's birth would be completely covered!  Here's the more amazing part, though: had he collected one more paycheck, we would've been over the income threshold and not qualified.  Thanks, God.

A little over a year ago, our church small group went through Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University (FPU).  Bryant and I have always kept a budget, but this program helped us tighten it up and be more conscious of our financial planning.  Because of this, we really were able to experience peace during this time of unemployment.  I realize this isn't the case for everyone when they lose a job, and I absolutely do not take it for granted.  I share this, however, because it is yet another piece of evidence that God had it all under control all along.  Also, I'd encourage anyone and everyone to participate in FPU (or something similar) in whatever capacity you're able - it really pays off (pun not originally intended).

As I mentioned, Bryant's previous employer required employees to use up all but a couple days of their vacation in the month of June, due to COVID.  So, had he still been working in September, he would've only had a few days off at the beginning of our transition to a family of four.  Instead, he's been home for weeks - both before and after the birth.  What a true blessing it's been to have him here.  Not only has he been home as we navigate the newborn phase with a toddler, but he was also home at the end of my pregnancy (when I was struggling to get down and up off the floor to play with Jacob, couldn't really lift things, was going to the bathroom every five minutes, etc.).  I'm certain the help he provided, and therefore, the extra rest I was able to get, contributed positively to my general mental health and largely to my quick recovery after delivery.  

Since we couldn't really travel during this time, we spent our time at home, which meant lots of quality family time (as well as mother/son and father/son time).  I can't tell you how many lists we made, finished, and re-made, because we had plenty of time and headspace to complete lingering projects before we had a new baby.  Because we were able to get so much done beforehand, we've really been able to focus on family time and rest when we can since she's been here.  

I've been waiting to share all this till we were "out of the woods" and on the other side of it all.  Not because I doubted it would happen - just because I wanted to be able to wrap it all up in one neat and tidy blog post, if possible - haha.  I'm happy to say that after submitting almost 60 job applications, several interviews (via phone, Zoom, and in person), and a few offers, Bryant is starting a new job tomorrow!  It's a normal M-F 8-hour day shift, which is not always the case in his line of work and is really wonderful for our family.  The position itself is a great career move for him and something he's excited about.

While we are so, so thankful for this job, it will surely be yet another adjustment for everyone.  Jacob and I (and now, Lydia, whether she realizes it or not) have become very accustomed to having Daddy home on a daily basis.  We've developed some rhythms over the past few months that have been so enjoyable but will be hard to break.  Please do not hear any of this as a complaint on my part - again, we're so glad for this employment opportunity.  We'll just be sad to see this sweet, dreamy season end.

You see all these silver linings, right?  Bryant was unemployed for months, and while at the onset it was scary and stressful, looking back, it was truly a blessing in disguise.  How else would he have had over a month off after the birth of our new baby?  How else would we have been able to accomplish everything we did so quickly and stress-free?  When else would he have gotten to spend so much one-on-one time with Jacob (doing lots of things, but mostly playing on the awesome swing set he built...and when would he have had time to do that, too?!)?

I realize not all of you believe in God, so perhaps you just perceive me as simply being optimistic about all this.  Even the strongest pessimist, though, would surely have a hard time ignoring the silver linings in our 2020.  Perhaps you are a believer, but find yourself in the middle of a similar (or worse) circumstance and doubting God's plan.  For us, what seemed like the worst timing may have actually been the best, and I truly believe it was not an accident.  I'm confident the Lord orchestrated every detail in our specific circumstance, as He does all circumstances.  I see this as clear evidence of His faithfulness and provision, and I pray this evidence will point you toward Him and serve as a reminder of His goodness.

Thank you so much to those of you who have supported, encouraged, and prayed for us during this time.  Thank you, also, for all the gifts and meals many of you have provided as we welcomed Lydia to our family.  These things would’ve been greatly appreciated, no matter when we might have had a baby, but they blessed us even more during this time when our budget was tighter than normal.  I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: we have an amazing village who loves us so well - in all circumstances, but especially through tough ones.  To say we have a lot to be thankful for is an understatement.  

Amazedly,
Kensy

Favorites of the day:
fall weather (mostly the perfect-70's-windows-open days, but the cozier ones, too)
This meal - made and plated by my super-dad husband who made the tomato soup from our garden-fresh tomatoes (and basil) while wearing a baby.
Being able to complete this project: processing all our garden-fresh butternut squash!
(It's amazing what one can accomplish with just a newborn around after becoming accustomed to a newborn AND a toddler.  Was thankful for some quality time with this sweet baby girl, as well as some time to get a few things done.)

Our Birth Story #2

I realize a lot of you probably don't care about all these details, but I also know enough of you do that it would be easiest to share them this way, rather than on an individual basis.  As I've said, too, this is a way for me to preserve our family's memories, so even if no one reads this particular post, it's at least been documented for posterity's sake.  So, all that said, here is Lydia's birth story:

At my ~39 week appt., I was dilated 3 cm and 50% effaced, which was no progress since my last week's appt.  Baby and I were both fine, and I still felt good, but we were reaching the end and time for her to be on the outside.  So, for several reasons, I decided to be induced, and based on everyone's schedules and a few logistics, we ended up scheduling the induction for the very next morning.

(This isn't necessarily actual-birth-related, but I want to remember the mixed feelings I had about scheduling this birth.  First of all, I felt like a little bit of a failure after having done everything in the book to make things happen naturally, only to find out my body hadn't made any progress.  Secondly, I love surprises, so I think part of my disappointment stemmed from the fact that we knew, generally, when she would arrive.  I was also feeling a little guilty that we'd had several (generously helpful) people on "standby" which meant putting their lives on hold, a bit, and we didn't end up needing to call on them.  That said, I was glad to have the time to truly plan and get things squared away (though we'd been doing that for weeks) before leaving for the hospital.  It was also valuable to be able to prepare Jacob and for my parents to have plenty of lead time to come stay with him.  Knowing it was our last night as a family of three made me a little emotional, but it was a relief to know she'd be here and we'd be able to move onto the next season.)

We arrived at the hospital, as instructed, at 6:00 a.m. - right when the shift was changing.  After checking in and being shown to our room, the nurses got me all charted, situated, and hooked up to start the lowest possible dosage of Pitocin around 7:20 a.m.  Shortly thereafter, we asked if I could take a COVID-19 test, so I could take my mask off, and the nurses said, "Of course!"  The (rapid) test was a self-administered 15-second swab of each nostril - "far enough up to the point that you feel like you're going to sneeze."  I swabbed and sneezed and sat back to wait for things to start moving.  My doctor arrived, as planned, to break my water at 8:30 a.m.

As the day progressed, and my body didn't, the Pitocin dosage was increased.  Lunchtime came and went, and the contractions became stronger and stronger.  At some point, I threw up all the clear liquid "food" I'd had throughout the morning - something that had happened when I was in labor the previous time.  We tried several different labor positions/techniques, so when the nurse told me around 2:00 p.m. that I was only dilated to 6 cm at the rate of 1 cm per hour, I was disappointed and so conflicted.  I was on Pitocin for my last delivery, so I knew what I was in for as far as pain goes, and at that point, I didn't know whether or not I could mentally or physically make it another four hours.  With that in mind, I made the decision to get an epidural (something I didn't do the last time).  The hour it took for the orders to be made, anesthesiologist to arrive, explanations to be given, and epidural to finally be administered was excruciating - physically and mentally.  For whatever reason, the contractions really ramped up in severity during that time, and it felt like the relief was never going to come.

It did, though, and I felt like a different person (and it showed, according to my husband).  Shortly thereafter, my blood pressure dropped, which meant the baby's heartrate did, too.  The nurses were having a hard time keeping track of her with the external monitor, so they made a plan to put in an internal one at the same time they put in a catheter (standard procedure after an epidural).  As the nurse prepared me for this, however, she discovered I was 10 cm dilated and 100% effaced.  They were all shocked, because just an hour earlier I was at 6 cm and maybe 75%.  So, they scratched the monitor/catheter plan, called the doctor, and prepared for delivery.  Once the doctor got there, I pushed three times and was done!  Bryant barely had time to get gloves on to help with the delivery.

And then she was here!  We waited in our room for quite a while (the nurses were busy that night) before being transferred to a room (with a "view" in the form of mountain view window clings of sorts to block the actual view of rooftops/HVAC systems).  We spent the night and most of the next day, and after passing all the usual check-ups and tests, we were discharged the next evening!  We absolutely could have stayed at the hospital longer, but there was really no reason to, as far as we were concerned.  My recovery was and has been easy and quick (for which I am very thankful), and Lydia has been doing all the right newborn things.
Hospital billboard on our way there - it says, "Ready for you."
Thought it was funny/appropriate/ironic. ☺
Here we go!
He got to catch another baby!

I'd totally forgotten they made hospital hats with bows!
Aunt Jami made all our matchy-matchy-red-and-white-polka-dot dreams come true!

Thanks for reading!  Thank you, also, for those of you who supported, prayed, and encouraged us through the journey.  Happy to talk through any of this in more detail (yes, there are actually more details - haha) with anyone who'd like to do so. 

Sleeping as much as I can,
Kensy


Favorites of the day:
Ethiopian food
dark chocolate
Lydia's bow collection.
I'm not even going to try to justify it...but if you know me well, you know this is what dreams are made of.  ♥