Reentry

I feel I would be remiss if I didn't somehow mark this season of life in light of the pandemic, not only for posterity's sake, but also for my own reflection and mental processing.  So, here goes.  :)

We have known people who have tested positive for, struggled with, and/or passed from COVID-19, and we've (only just recently) experienced it ourselves.  There has been and is so much else going on in the world, as well, and like many of you, I'm sure, my head has been in a constant state of "spin," and it seems as though my heart cannot handle one more tragedy/conflict/moral dilemma.  While it seems like there's so much we could process together and talk about, conversations in the recent past have seemed to go generally the same way:  

How are you doing?

Oh, you know, hanging in there.  How about you?

Yeah.  Same - just in survival mode.  Anything new going on?

Not really.  You?

Nope.

It has been so hard to wrap our minds around what in the actual world is going on, so hard to figure out how to be in all of this, so hard to know what to do or think, and as a result, we've stayed on the surface of what could be deepening conversations and relationships.  We've seemingly given up some hope and drive and zest.  We've settled for this perpetual "new normal," and despite "making the most of it," we're not necessarily thriving.  Sure, initially, we were innovative and creative and almost excited about finding new ways to fill our time, but as that time went on, we became increasingly wearied by that time that kept and kept and kept going on.  That's seemed to be the case for me, at least.

Don't hear me saying we haven't all been doing the best we can.  And please don't hear me saying (to any of you or to myself) that we should've done more, done better, or done different.  I'm just trying to put words to where we're coming from as we look to where we're going.

I recently read an article titled, in part, "mourning the mom I used to be," and man - so much of it hit home.  As I read it, I also realized not only have I been mourning the mom I used to be, but also the wife, friend, aunt, leader, teacher, and person I used to be.  The pandemic has robbed us of so much, not the least of which is access to experiences, situations, resources, and people that help us to be the best versions of ourselves.  Sure, we figured out to "make do," but it just hasn't been the same.  

See - already, the tone of this post of mine is uncharacteristically pessimistic and dark, right?!  This leads me to the fact that the pandemic has also given us a lot.  One of these "gifts" is a harsh reality check that, at least for me, has lead to some new perspectives.  Being so isolated and unoccupied magnified our home lives and our thought lives.  It's given us time to overhaul our spaces, our marriages, our parenting, and the way we spend our time.  Near the beginning of this pandemic life, I wondered what we'd look like on the other side of it all.  I wondered if we'd maintain the new priorities we'd put into place.  Wondered if we'd still be content to stay home all day for days in a row; if we'd leave space for family time amongst other obligations; if we'd keep our closets organized and our clutter minimal (😉).  And here we are (I think/hope)!  It seems that I won't have to wonder about that time, anymore.  It seems we're there.  (Or "here?"  Whatever makes the most sense.  Notice I didn't say this time has given me extra, new, or even renewed brain cells...)

I took both kids to in-person story time at the library last week, and it was a surprisingly surreal experience.  Pre-COVID, library story time was a regular part of Jacob and I's routine.  We started going as soon as he dropped his morning nap (around 15 months, I think), and we attended a couple times a week.  He loved the librarians, learned/practiced social skills, and met some of his (and my) best friends there.

When the pandemic hit, we obviously stopped going to story time...and everywhere else.  My little social butterfly who, for many reasons, thrived on our daily outings, was caged, if you will.  You may remember how early-COVID days went around here, as documented in this video.

Late last year, thanks to a friend's generous offer to stay with Lydia during her morning nap, I was able to take Jacob back to a couple story times - one was outside and one was very sparsely attended and somewhat disjointed, and both were are not-our-usual library.  Because our previous story time experiences were half his lifetime ago, Jacob only remembered these COVID ones, as far as I could tell.  So, you can imagine his (and my) delight when we attended last week and there were several families in attendance, he remembered the librarians, and activities included both bubbles and the parachute.  Plus, we got to share it all with Lydia for the first time.

That's partially where the surreal-ness came in, for me.  I hadn't gotten to be "this mom" with her, yet.  I haven't gotten to show her the world...or the world her, for that matter.  How relieving it was to see her so comfortable and engaged in this almost-normal, pre-COVID environment.  She caught on quickly, was independently involved, and acted like she'd been doing it all her whole life.

She took it upon herself to pick up all the unattended carpet squares after putting away her own.

Do you see that boy's face?!  ♥

After story time, we went to a park to play and have a picnic (giving myself a gold star for this foresight and preparedness - haha).  It was suuuuch a beautiful day, and the sunshine and warmth were doing wonders for everyone.  Some older-than-Jacob boys showed up shortly after we'd finished our lunch.  Not only did Jacob require minimal encouragement to approach them, but when he did, he introduced himself ("and this is my sister Lydia," he said of his own accord) and asked if they wanted to play a game of tag.  How relieving it was to see him so comfortable and engaged in this almost-normal, pre-COVID environment.  He was friendly, played fair, and made sure everyone watched out for his "little sister" (something he hasn't had opportunity to implement much and did all on his own).

Days like these (story time + park + picnic in the sunshine) assure me that all is not lost.  Kids really are resilient, and it's never too late to "get back out there" - for them or for yourself.  I'm still the person I was pre-pandemic, and I can still be the mom I was, too.  How relieving it was to see me so comfortable and engaged in this almost-normal, pre-COVID environment.  I made small talk, arrived on time and prepared (after being so out of practice), and truly enjoyed a large portion of the day with my sweet kiddos (don't take this the wrong way - of course I'm very grateful to be able to stay home with them, but if you can't relate, just trust me when I say it's not always enjoyable).  While it's ok to mourn the mom I hadn't been able to be, I can also be grateful to have gained so many new tools and experiences during our quarantine life the last couple of years (still crazy to put that time stamp on it all, right?!).

All that to say, the world is such a volatile place, these days.  Perhaps it always was, and we're just hyper-sensitive to it, since we haven't had much else to occupy our time and minds?  Who knows.  Regardless, it almost makes me want to just keep staying at home.  Keep living in our bubble of Pinterest activities, backyard playtime, and limited interaction with the outside world.  But only almost.  There is still beauty to be found and joy to be felt.  There are still connections to be made and relationships to be had.  There are still adventures to embark on and places to explore.  We will not live in fear.  Plus, I can't keep these two all to myself - their light is too bright and their joy too immense. ♥

The Lord has sustained us through this past season, and He will sustain us through the next...and the next...and the next.  I am so thankful for the hope, peace, wisdom, and provision He provides.  I am in constant awe of His grace and His kindness.  When the world is so dark and humanity seems hopeless, I cling to the fact that His love and forgiveness are for everyone, and I pray everyone has the opportunity to accept and profess that truth.  I am ready to keep helping make that happen.  

I am ready to regain some of what we've lost.  I am ready to move forward with new perspectives, new tools, and new expectations.  I'm ready to remember and appreciate who we were - who I was - and excited to discover who we'll become - who I'll become.  Are you?

Readily,

Kensy

Favorites of the day:

all the new words Lydia is trying out

meeting new people

the PAT (Parents As Teachers) program

(This may be another blog post for some day, but for now, I highly recommend this program for new parents/parents of young children.  We just (finally) started and I regret not doing so sooner, if nothing else than for the affirmation and encouragement I've already received from an expert in the field of young children/parenting.  How valuable to a stay-at-home mom, especially!  Really thankful for this resource.)

Our 2020 (so far)

2020 has been a lot of things for a lot of people.  There's been so much going on globally, nationally, locally...and the majority of what we hear about has been steeped in negativity.  My lack of comment on the world’s happenings is not out of ignorance or lack of compassion - I am just as saddened/frustrated/confused/scared as the next person.  Those feelings, however, are ones I'd rather not sit in, and I'm not one to stir the pot.  Instead, I'd like to share a couple (major) silver linings that have shown around the clouds of 2020 in our little corner of the world in an effort to spread some positivity and light.

First of all, and probably most obviously, we became a family of four!  Lydia Kaylynn was born September 9th - the day before her due date.  (If you're interested in her birth story, I've documented it here.)  Her first name is one we've liked for a long time, and her middle name is both her grandmothers' middle names combined.  What a precious gift she is!

(A generous and thoughtful group of friends gifted us a newborn/family photo session with a talented friend from church (@ladder_and_lens - if you're in the KC area, be sure to check her out - she'll be doing holiday mini-sessions soon!).)  

Many of you have asked how Jacob is adjusting, and I know even more of you are probably wondering.  He was very excited for us to come back from the hospital and barely took time to greet his dad and I before taking a peek at "baby sister."  It took less than 24 hours, however, for him to say things like, "I don't love it when she cries" and "When is she going to leave?"  He has come around, though, and we've all settled in more and more with each passing day.  He truly loves to help - fetch things, help with bath, feed her, etc., so that's been fun.  Any feelings of jealousy/neglect/annoyance/etc. have manifested themselves in some behavior issues, so that hasn't been fun.  He's been such an easy kiddo thus far, so these probably seem worse than they are, simply because he's been so good up until now.  He's also three, though, so these things are probably to be expected - new baby or not.  I've shed some tears over it all - both in frustration and exhaustion, but also a bit in mourning our "only child" and wondering if/when he'll go back to the way he was.  But then I realize that's expecting the impossible of him - life is different for all of us in a forever sort of way.  I've needed to tap into some extra grace for both him and myself as we navigate the new.  The year has been full of transition and change, and I think we are all craving some routine and normalcy - certainly in this house, at least.  Whether or not reestablishing some sort of routine will help with the adjustment period is yet to be seen, but either way, we'll figure it out.  

Perfect capture of the face we get when asking him to smile, these days. 
Of course he would choose the month he gains a sibling and we'd like to take allll the cute pictures to decide to try his hand at fake-smiling.

Moments like this make it all worth it, though.
(This was unpromted...he really does love her.)

Lydia has been such a good baby!  The first week or so was a bit rocky, as expected - hormones, all the changes, lack of sleep, etc. - but once we got our "newborn legs" under us, a bit, we started settling in more and more.  The most challenging thing, so far, as with our last baby, has been figuring out feeding.  She nurses like a champ, but for whatever reason, doesn't get enough milk from me, so we're supplementing some formula.  This is what we did with Jacob, as well - it just didn't take us as long to figure out what to do with Lydia.  It was still a hard thing for me, though, and I don't know if I can fully explain why except to say I was simply disappointed.  Disappointed it wasn't different this time (as I sort of expected being our second child).  Disappointed in my body and/or myself for not being able to figure out how to make it work better.  And once I realized and accepted it's out of my control, disappointed that it didn't work better.  I'm in a much better place now, though, and it's all going just fine.  A sweet perk of supplementing has been Jacob being able to help feed Lydia.  Early on, I think he was disappointed that I was the only one able to feed her, because due to books we'd read and things he'd observed, he assumed all babies ate from bottles and he'd be able to help.  So, when he first saw the bottle out, he said, "That will be easier!" meaning that would be easier for him to use to feed her.  He immediately asked to help, and of course, we obliged.  This was something I'd forgotten he would want to help with, so hadn't expected him to be so anxious to be included.  His enthusiasm and joy made all the other emotions/turmoil I'd been experiencing totally worth it.

♥

Secondly:

As many of you know, and others may have picked up on, Bryant (along with almost 50% of the company he worked for) was laid off due to COVID at the beginning of August (after being furloughed in July and asked to burn most of his vacation days in June).  This was something we had sort of anticipated at the beginning of "all this" in March, but as spring turned into summer, we thought there was less of a chance of it happening, so it came as quite a surprise.

You may be thinking, as we were, "What about insurance?  Aren't you expecting a baby?"  This was definitely one of the things we were most concerned about.  Because he worked one day at the beginning of August, our insurance plan through his employer would be good through the end of August - right before we were expected to deliver a baby in early September.  Bryant did an amazing job researching potential options for us, and as a result, he discovered that I, as a pregnant woman, qualified for Medicaid (so did Jacob).  That meant my appointments and Lydia's birth would be completely covered!  Here's the more amazing part, though: had he collected one more paycheck, we would've been over the income threshold and not qualified.  Thanks, God.

A little over a year ago, our church small group went through Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University (FPU).  Bryant and I have always kept a budget, but this program helped us tighten it up and be more conscious of our financial planning.  Because of this, we really were able to experience peace during this time of unemployment.  I realize this isn't the case for everyone when they lose a job, and I absolutely do not take it for granted.  I share this, however, because it is yet another piece of evidence that God had it all under control all along.  Also, I'd encourage anyone and everyone to participate in FPU (or something similar) in whatever capacity you're able - it really pays off (pun not originally intended).

As I mentioned, Bryant's previous employer required employees to use up all but a couple days of their vacation in the month of June, due to COVID.  So, had he still been working in September, he would've only had a few days off at the beginning of our transition to a family of four.  Instead, he's been home for weeks - both before and after the birth.  What a true blessing it's been to have him here.  Not only has he been home as we navigate the newborn phase with a toddler, but he was also home at the end of my pregnancy (when I was struggling to get down and up off the floor to play with Jacob, couldn't really lift things, was going to the bathroom every five minutes, etc.).  I'm certain the help he provided, and therefore, the extra rest I was able to get, contributed positively to my general mental health and largely to my quick recovery after delivery.  

Since we couldn't really travel during this time, we spent our time at home, which meant lots of quality family time (as well as mother/son and father/son time).  I can't tell you how many lists we made, finished, and re-made, because we had plenty of time and headspace to complete lingering projects before we had a new baby.  Because we were able to get so much done beforehand, we've really been able to focus on family time and rest when we can since she's been here.  

I've been waiting to share all this till we were "out of the woods" and on the other side of it all.  Not because I doubted it would happen - just because I wanted to be able to wrap it all up in one neat and tidy blog post, if possible - haha.  I'm happy to say that after submitting almost 60 job applications, several interviews (via phone, Zoom, and in person), and a few offers, Bryant is starting a new job tomorrow!  It's a normal M-F 8-hour day shift, which is not always the case in his line of work and is really wonderful for our family.  The position itself is a great career move for him and something he's excited about.

While we are so, so thankful for this job, it will surely be yet another adjustment for everyone.  Jacob and I (and now, Lydia, whether she realizes it or not) have become very accustomed to having Daddy home on a daily basis.  We've developed some rhythms over the past few months that have been so enjoyable but will be hard to break.  Please do not hear any of this as a complaint on my part - again, we're so glad for this employment opportunity.  We'll just be sad to see this sweet, dreamy season end.

You see all these silver linings, right?  Bryant was unemployed for months, and while at the onset it was scary and stressful, looking back, it was truly a blessing in disguise.  How else would he have had over a month off after the birth of our new baby?  How else would we have been able to accomplish everything we did so quickly and stress-free?  When else would he have gotten to spend so much one-on-one time with Jacob (doing lots of things, but mostly playing on the awesome swing set he built...and when would he have had time to do that, too?!)?

I realize not all of you believe in God, so perhaps you just perceive me as simply being optimistic about all this.  Even the strongest pessimist, though, would surely have a hard time ignoring the silver linings in our 2020.  Perhaps you are a believer, but find yourself in the middle of a similar (or worse) circumstance and doubting God's plan.  For us, what seemed like the worst timing may have actually been the best, and I truly believe it was not an accident.  I'm confident the Lord orchestrated every detail in our specific circumstance, as He does all circumstances.  I see this as clear evidence of His faithfulness and provision, and I pray this evidence will point you toward Him and serve as a reminder of His goodness.

Thank you so much to those of you who have supported, encouraged, and prayed for us during this time.  Thank you, also, for all the gifts and meals many of you have provided as we welcomed Lydia to our family.  These things would’ve been greatly appreciated, no matter when we might have had a baby, but they blessed us even more during this time when our budget was tighter than normal.  I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: we have an amazing village who loves us so well - in all circumstances, but especially through tough ones.  To say we have a lot to be thankful for is an understatement.  

Amazedly,
Kensy

Favorites of the day:

fall weather (mostly the perfect-70's-windows-open days, but the cozier ones, too)

This meal - made and plated by my super-dad husband who made the tomato soup from our garden-fresh tomatoes (and basil) while wearing a baby.

Being able to complete this project: processing all our garden-fresh butternut squash!
(It's amazing what one can accomplish with just a newborn around after becoming accustomed to a newborn AND a toddler.  Was thankful for some quality time with this sweet baby girl, as well as some time to get a few things done.)

Our Birth Story #2

I realize a lot of you probably don't care about all these details, but I also know enough of you do that it would be easiest to share them this way, rather than on an individual basis.  As I've said, too, this is a way for me to preserve our family's memories, so even if no one reads this particular post, it's at least been documented for posterity's sake.  So, all that said, here is Lydia's birth story:

At my ~39 week appt., I was dilated 3 cm and 50% effaced, which was no progress since my last week's appt.  Baby and I were both fine, and I still felt good, but we were reaching the end and time for her to be on the outside.  So, for several reasons, I decided to be induced, and based on everyone's schedules and a few logistics, we ended up scheduling the induction for the very next morning.

(This isn't necessarily actual-birth-related, but I want to remember the mixed feelings I had about scheduling this birth.  First of all, I felt like a little bit of a failure after having done everything in the book to make things happen naturally, only to find out my body hadn't made any progress.  Secondly, I love surprises, so I think part of my disappointment stemmed from the fact that we knew, generally, when she would arrive.  I was also feeling a little guilty that we'd had several (generously helpful) people on "standby" which meant putting their lives on hold, a bit, and we didn't end up needing to call on them.  That said, I was glad to have the time to truly plan and get things squared away (though we'd been doing that for weeks) before leaving for the hospital.  It was also valuable to be able to prepare Jacob and for my parents to have plenty of lead time to come stay with him.  Knowing it was our last night as a family of three made me a little emotional, but it was a relief to know she'd be here and we'd be able to move onto the next season.)

We arrived at the hospital, as instructed, at 6:00 a.m. - right when the shift was changing.  After checking in and being shown to our room, the nurses got me all charted, situated, and hooked up to start the lowest possible dosage of Pitocin around 7:20 a.m.  Shortly thereafter, we asked if I could take a COVID-19 test, so I could take my mask off, and the nurses said, "Of course!"  The (rapid) test was a self-administered 15-second swab of each nostril - "far enough up to the point that you feel like you're going to sneeze."  I swabbed and sneezed and sat back to wait for things to start moving.  My doctor arrived, as planned, to break my water at 8:30 a.m.

As the day progressed, and my body didn't, the Pitocin dosage was increased.  Lunchtime came and went, and the contractions became stronger and stronger.  At some point, I threw up all the clear liquid "food" I'd had throughout the morning - something that had happened when I was in labor the previous time.  We tried several different labor positions/techniques, so when the nurse told me around 2:00 p.m. that I was only dilated to 6 cm at the rate of 1 cm per hour, I was disappointed and so conflicted.  I was on Pitocin for my last delivery, so I knew what I was in for as far as pain goes, and at that point, I didn't know whether or not I could mentally or physically make it another four hours.  With that in mind, I made the decision to get an epidural (something I didn't do the last time).  The hour it took for the orders to be made, anesthesiologist to arrive, explanations to be given, and epidural to finally be administered was excruciating - physically and mentally.  For whatever reason, the contractions really ramped up in severity during that time, and it felt like the relief was never going to come.

It did, though, and I felt like a different person (and it showed, according to my husband).  Shortly thereafter, my blood pressure dropped, which meant the baby's heartrate did, too.  The nurses were having a hard time keeping track of her with the external monitor, so they made a plan to put in an internal one at the same time they put in a catheter (standard procedure after an epidural).  As the nurse prepared me for this, however, she discovered I was 10 cm dilated and 100% effaced.  They were all shocked, because just an hour earlier I was at 6 cm and maybe 75%.  So, they scratched the monitor/catheter plan, called the doctor, and prepared for delivery.  Once the doctor got there, I pushed three times and was done!  Bryant barely had time to get gloves on to help with the delivery.

And then she was here!  We waited in our room for quite a while (the nurses were busy that night) before being transferred to a room (with a "view" in the form of mountain view window clings of sorts to block the actual view of rooftops/HVAC systems).  We spent the night and most of the next day, and after passing all the usual check-ups and tests, we were discharged the next evening!  We absolutely could have stayed at the hospital longer, but there was really no reason to, as far as we were concerned.  My recovery was and has been easy and quick (for which I am very thankful), and Lydia has been doing all the right newborn things.

Hospital billboard on our way there - it says, "Ready for you."
Thought it was funny/appropriate/ironic. ☺

Here we go!

He got to catch another baby!

♥

I'd totally forgotten they made hospital hats with bows!

Aunt Jami made all our matchy-matchy-red-and-white-polka-dot dreams come true!

Thanks for reading!  Thank you, also, for those of you who supported, prayed, and encouraged us through the journey.  Happy to talk through any of this in more detail (yes, there are actually more details - haha) with anyone who'd like to do so. 

Sleeping as much as I can,

Kensy

Favorites of the day:

Ethiopian food

dark chocolate

Lydia's bow collection.
I'm not even going to try to justify it...but if you know me well, you know this is what dreams are made of.  ♥

J the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, V Bad Day

Happy spring!  Isn't it amazing what coming out of "hibernation" can do for the body and soul?  And relationships?  It felt like we hadn't seen our neighbors in months, and now, we see them nearly every day!

Coming to you today to expand on what I originally intended to be a short Instagram post.  Not the first time I've had more words to share than I thought we appropriate for a caption.  

If you're familiar with the book the title of this post references, I'll tell you that Jacob's day on Monday may not have went down exactly like Alexander's, but I'm fairly certain he'd use the same adjectives to describe it.  It was truly the worst day of his life...in my memory, at least.  To be fair, there may have been worse days very early on that I've either forgotten due to the he-can-do-no-wrong newborn phase or due to mom-brain.  

Either way, Monday was a day like no other, for him (and therefore, me).  For at least 50% of his awake, non-eating time, he was whining/crying/lamenting and inconsolable.  Usually, if I ask him what's wrong (Are you hurt?  Are you sad we left the park?  Did you want that toy instead of this one?), he'll stop crying at least long enough to say "Yes," if not longer, to hear me out and make a plan to make it better.  On this terrible day, though, everything was wrong and nothing was fixable.  We even ran and errand and went to the park, and while these outings provided a bit of reprieve, it was short-lived.  (For example, while we were are the park, he simultaneously wanted to stay there and go home...)

This unexplained behavior/emotional roller coaster of a day left me feeling baffled and exhausted.  I didn't say as much to anyone while it was happening (mostly because I was trying to appease the unappeasable kiddo and/or trying to get anything else done), but I'd filled Bryant in a bit.  When he came home and saw things hadn't gotten better after naptime, he promptly sent me out of the house.  I had planned to run some errands after he got home that evening, but he told me to be sure to get supper while I was out doing those, and generally, take some time to myself.

I enjoyed a lovely meal - outside!
SPIN Pizza had sent a triple-points promotion I didn't think I'd be able to take advantage of, but I did!  You know how I love to take advantage of a deal. 
It was delicious and wonderful.

While I didn't think my time away was necessarily necessary, Bryant (once again) knew me better than I knew myself.  I needed quiet and peace and stillness.  I needed be able to relax and know someone else was in charge of J for a bit.  I needed to receive their videos where both said they loved me (J's was unprompted and included a blown kiss).  I needed to come home to find a tiny garbage truck, which I knew was requested (because they're currently J's favorite vehicle), drawn complete with details I would've never thought to include.

Driving down the road to pick up those two trash bags, of course.

As usual, I do not intend to brag, though my amazing hubby deserves to be bragged about. Rather, I just want to be transparent share this "low" among so many "highs" that come across our feeds.  Jacob really has been a pretty easy kiddo thus far, and people often comment on how happy and easy-going he is, and he IS.  He has his not-so-happy moments, though, and apparently, days, as well.

(While we're on the subject of transparency: Jacob has also developed a grabbing/pinching habit...both at home and at library storytime.  At home, I can react and correct, as needed, but it's so hard to know how to break him of this habit in public.  He doesn't do it hard enough to hurt anyone at the library, so those kiddos just look at him like, "Hey, man - what are you doing?!"  By the time I notice and get to him to tell him "No," the moment has passed, and he doesn't necessarily have any visible remorse.  We practice gentle touches both in and out of context (immediately after an incident, as well as unrelated to one), and we talk through how we should treat people (even by name) SO often.  I'm having a hard time not being self-conscious about it, and I struggle to remember this behavior is not a reflection on me or our parenting.  Of course, we're not telling him to grab people and/or pull hair - quite the opposite, in fact.  It's just his way of acting out/testing boundaries, at the moment, and I feel bad it is sometimes at the expense/discomfort of others.)

Anyway, the next day, he was almost completely back to his normal, mostly-agreeable, happy self (which I quickly realized I often take for granted).  We went to CFA for some free breakfast, and even saw a (green!) garbage truck in action while we were there.  The day was not without some tears and whines, but it was definitely more normal for us both, and for that, I was very grateful.

My CFA date. ♥
He was up for taking a picture, but apparently, was going for the "16-yr.-old after mom's already taken 473 pictures" look.
I showed him the picture and asked where his smile was... 

...and he voluntarily went back and tried again.
☺

I just couldn't pass up this jacket for $3 at a consignment sale last season.
Also, he chose to wear his church shoes, rather than his every-day tennies. ♥

Thanks for letting me safely share all of this.  I realize this kind of day may be the norm for some kiddos (with or without behavioral diagnoses) and probably seems trivial for those who are dealing with children's health issues, etc.  Some of you may be thinking "He's almost two - this is just the beginning of the "Terrible Two's," of course."  For us, though, this was an uncharacteristically bad day, and again, I wanted to share about it out of appreciation for my husband AND in an effort to keep it real up in here.  😉

With greater distance from the end of my rope than two days ago,
Kensy
😉

Favorites of the day:

open windows

new friends

...especially ones who bring you little tiny cinnamon rolls...

...and sweet primrose plants...because she knows you love little things.

This face.
(Brought to you by a fun egg decorating contraption Bryant's family brought on their recent (super fun) visit).

At-Home Spa Night

I just realized this is my first post of 2019, so Happy (belated) New Year!

Once again, I wanted to write more than is appropriate for an Instagram caption, so here are a few pictures and even more words about something my hubby did for me this past weekend:

After getting home from work, Bryant sent me out the door to grab a light supper and “start relaxing.”  For me, that meant CFA and a couple errands (including the grocery store, of course, because who would I be if I didn’t take a relaxing pre-snowstorm trip to Hy-Vee...?). 

Upon my return (and after helping me put away groceries), he surprised me with an at-home spa night!  In true Enneagram 5 fashion, he had done extensive research on massage, fancy snacks and drinks, face and hair masks, and pedicure techniques.  He did a ton of prep work and made it all such an authentic, relaxing, wonderful experience. I. felt. so. spoiled.  That man seriously thought of everything, including but not limited to, warm towels, fun magazines, and taking the rubber duck faucet protector off the bathtub faucet before my bubble bath.  

Crackers with fancy cheeses, chocolate-covered strawberries, bruschetta (one of my most favorite things), and fancy strawberry water ("Agua de Fresa").

Candles everywhere - so cozy and ambient!

The containers pictured between the sinks contained homemade, all-natural hair and face masks!

These are a few of my favorite things...

I was so impressed by his first-ever pedicure "performance!"

This was one of the most thoughtful, generous, thorough, kind acts of service I’ve experienced (or heard of, for that matter).  He planned it all so intentionally, and what made it even more meaningful to me was the frugal-ness and the effort to truly serve me.  He could've easily sent me away to spend hundreds of dollars at a salon/spa, but instead, he did an amazing DIY version, which meant we also got to spend some quality time together! 

I realize sharing it all may come across as a bit braggy, and honestly, I’m ok with that - my sweet husband deserves alllll the credit and bragging and gold stars.  I’m only sorry it took something like this for me to make such a big deal about him publicly.  There are so many everyday things he does that I appreciate, and in the spirit of bragging on him, I’ll share a few:

-daily preps breakfast for J and I

-turns on my electric blanket before bed

-maintains our vehicles 

-plans date nights 

-voluntarily helps prep and/or fully prepare meals

-takes care of J while I teach lessons, attend rehearsals, and/or just have a couple minutes to myself

In a nutshell, Bryant is wonderful and treats me better than I deserve. ♥

Relaxedly,
Kensy

Favorites of the day:

that fancy strawberry water - it was so good!

this beautiful snow that's still around

Jacob's excitement about the snow - it's so precious!

Margin

I'm writing to you during a time that is listed on my calendar as "hobby time," which is something the cool kids these days would refer to as "margin."

This word, "margin," began showing up very prevalently in my life several weeks ago following a conversation my husband and I had about needing to make time during the week for us as individuals to do things we want to do.  We had kind-of made a plan to implement this, and then, "margin" started showing up everywhere.  The concept came up in sermons I heard and conversations I had.  It was discussed on almost every podcast I listen to, both new episodes and ones I was catching up on, and even mentioned by name on a couple.  Then, we started a worship team Bible study; the title?  "Margin."  I couldn't believe it.  I thanked God over and over for such clarity.  This message He was trying to convey was coming through more clearly than any of recent memory.

While it may be a sort of buzzword these days, and therefore, might seem fleeting like most trends, I think the concept of "margin" is very important.  Creating time for your own enjoyment, personal development, hobbies, whatever it may be, can allow your brain to be used in a different way, your heart to be opened, your mind to be cleared, and your body (and dare I say, your soul) to be refreshed.  Taking this time for yourself can allow you to reconnect with yourself, which in turn, can lead to better/stronger connections with those around you.

I realize this all might sound a little lofty or unrealistic.  Me saying, "Take time to find yourself!" "Find some quiet space in your life!" "Do what you love!" might conjure thoughts of a girl in a sunny field of wildflowers with her face to the sun, a yogi in child's pose, or a leather chair and warm beverage, and you're rolling your eyes.  You're thinking, "Yeah right.  Who has time for that?!"  There are certainly circumstances and seasons in life that seemingly make any downtime or spare moments impossible.  Whether it's a matter of time, money, lack of childcare, whatever - this idea of "margin" can feel unattainable for many.

However...

I've heard many times that you make time for the things you value most.  I've read articles about the fact that we spend so much of our time doing things we don't actually need to spend time doing.  Statistics show our screen time is off the charts.  People are often heard saying, "I'm so busy!" and "I'm too busy!" and having to start saying no's, because they've said too many yes's.

It wasn't necessarily easy for us to find this "margin" time in our what-we-thought-was-already-pretty-full weekly schedule; it took some thought, effort, and a little trial-and-error.  We've made it work, though, and are better for it!  We are able to spend time doing the things that somehow got pushed completely off the "to-do" list by the more pressing items (By the way, it's still really difficult for me to not use "necessary," rather than "pressing" in that context.  I'm still working on defining the things I want to do as necessary; to put "self care" in the "necessary" category; to prioritize myself right up there with everyone else.).  We each get to spend a little time each week doing something that will refresh and recharge us.

So far, my personal margin time has been spent differently each week: I've gone bargain shopping with coupons in hand (one of my favorite things to do).  I've watched shows (at home in the guest room with doors closed - haha).  I've spent time stamping and organizing my stamping supplies (both things I enjoy).  And, as may be obvious, I've written blog posts!

My husband's "margin" time has also looked different each week and always looks very different from my own, because we're different people with different personalities and interests.  This is not to say that we don't enjoy spending time together.  Nor has this "margin" time taken the place of our weekly date night or other quality time together.  Rather, it is separate from and in addition to these things.

It IS possible to do this for yourself...and it's important!  It doesn't have to cost money.  It doesn't have to be out of the house (though if you're at home most of the day, I'd encourage you to make this a priority).  It doesn't have to be super exciting, adventuresome, or new.  It just needs to be what you want it to be, and for some of you, that might mean you need to let yourself figure out what that is, first.

I know this level of mandate is a little uncharacteristic of my posts, but as you've just read, this really means a lot to me.  I feel so cliché saying it, but as I get older, I'm learning more and more about myself and what it takes for me to be at my healthiest.  This is not something I'm working on alone; my husband has played a major role in this part of my personal development.  Without his encouragement (sometimes it's had to be more strong than others), I wouldn't have ever considered allowing myself to prioritize myself (that's my Enneagram 2 showing...and that's a whole other blog post - haha).  He's on his own journey, too, and I'm so proud of him.  So thankful to get to do life together!

Anyway, please seriously consider this for yourself.  I'm no expert, but would love to talk through it with you, if you want!  Would love to hear anything you're willing to share.

Until next time, friends. ☺

With margin (because "margin-ly" is too close to "marginally"),
Kensy

Favorites of the day:

my son - for so many reasons

cooler weather, open windows, prospect of fall, etc.

Aldi

Extreme Makeover: (Byers) Home Edition

Friends,

This post has been a loooong time coming.  As you may know, there were some unexpected issues with our house when we moved in almost two years ago.  We've worked since the very first day we lived here to rectify and remedy these issues, and we are so thankful to finally be able to say we're done!  Yes, there will always be home improvement projects, but these were more necessary than cosmetic and more pressing than most.

The most recent renovation occurred in our bathroom.  We'd picked out and purchased many of the new elements in the room around the time we moved into this house, but they were banished to the storage room till we were able to tackle this project.  I was able to snap some before, in between, and after shots.  We're so pleased with the end result!

There's no "before" picture, but the shower head is a few inches higher than it was. 
If you've met my hubby, you probably understand why this was a necessary update. ☺

Found this sign at Hobby Lobby (with coupon, of course), but it didn't match the vanity, so...

...I stained it!

Long before the bathroom project could be completed, we needed to insure our basement would be usable in both sunshine and rain.  So, over the course of a year and a half, we completed several related projects both inside and outside.  So much credit goes to my amazingly handy hubby - from planning to executing and brain power to man power - he orchestrated and managed everything so well.  We're also so thankful for all those who helped us (finally) reach the finished product.  Whether they were paid by check or by cookies, we had some really wonderful help, all around.

These pictures don't really do the projects justice.  So, so much time and work went into them all!

Front step, bushes, tree, and lots of dirt out...

...drain tile in.

One surprise lead to another!  haha...

We had the tile professionally removed, but then, Bryant worked many long hours to put on the epoxy finish.
Turned out so great!

The long table/chair/carpet wasn't meant to be a permanent fixture, but it sure comes in handy! 
Glad to have plenty of space and flexibility!

Inherited some leftover landscaping pavers, so now, we have a firepit!

(This was a fall project, so these pics are old...and they're making a s'more sound extra good, right now...)

Not pictured: seemingly daily "medium," "small," and "tiny" updates/fixes/renovations including, but not limited to: purchasing and installing a new microwave within about 4 hours time beginning at 7 p.m. (this was definitely one of those "out of necessity" projects...), replacing light switches, fixing toilets and faucets, figuring out how to better heat the basement, adding hooks to the inside of the bathroom closet door, etc., etc. 

This may not have been a total home makeover, but some of it did seem fairly extreme.  We're excited for the promise of warmer weather allowing us to tackle some less-necessary-more-fun projects outside (garden, landscaping, etc.)!

As usual, thanks for reading and for your interest!

With dust in my hair and paint on my clothes (not really, but those both occurred over the course of the aforementioned projects, so it counts, right?),
Kensy

Favorites of the day:

concrete dust (NOT - oh man...definitely not a favorite...)

spontaneous day dates with my boys

freeze-dried pears (the ones I've had are from Aldi!)

this "busy board" we made for Jacob with things we had around the house: