Nothing and everything

Did anyone besides me think I'd actually get a post out on the precise "COVID-versary?"  A few days late isn't bad, though...especially given the year its been.  Right?  ;)  I didn't really intend to write a "one year later" post, but then, it all kind of hit me, and as you know, this is how I best process.  

I can't remember whether or not I've written much about the IF:Gathering in the past (and I can't afford the time to search the archives), so I'll give an elevator pitch here:

The IF:Gathering is a women's conference held in TX and live-streamed (even pre-2021) to viewers worldwide.  The theme each year centers around "IF" (What IF God is real?  What IF He keeps His promises?  How do we respond?).  This year, the theme was "Even:IF - Even IF the worst happens, we don't lose hope."  Women are invited to host IF:Locals in their churches, homes, schools, etc., and for the last few years, I have led a team to host an IF:Local at our church.  We typically gather Friday evening and most of Saturday to tune in to the live worship and speakers, share meals and snacks, participate in great conversation, and make a craft or two.  IF:2020 was one of the last big "things" in my/our life before the stay-at-home orders went into place. 

So, as I sat down to watch IF:2021 - alone, in our basement, while corresponding with ladies from our church on the live chat feature - I got teary.  Yes, we have missed several "normal" gatherings, events, occasions, etc. in the past year, but we found ways to work around them, compromise, and make the best of the worst.  Yes, this virtual IF:Gathering was the best possible work-around for all involved, and the IF team made it all so easy for us to tune in and stay as connected as possible - I wasn't sad because I had to miss out on the content, or anything.

Baby's first IF:Gathering
(just briefly during her before-bed feeding...so, I guess I wasn't alone the whole time - haha)

What made me most sad was the connection, conversation, quiet stillness, corporate worship, and honestly, yummy snacks we were all missing out on.  I was sad thinking about so many viewing it together, yet alone in our separate places, and knowing how much better it could be...how much better it always was.  I was sad knowing how much we're all craving normalcy and hugs and face-to-face, non-masked conversation.  I did what I could to make the ladies from our church who tuned in feel special and connected, but felt helpless to provide what I know at least I wanted: an extended period of time to ourselves, out of our homes, being filled spiritually, emotionally, physically, and relationally - not worrying about who's cooking or what's happening next or what else we should be doing.  As this was all hitting me harder than I expected, I was trying to figure out why.  

After a year of quarantine, it feels like nothing has changed.  We are still keeping to ourselves as much as possible.  We are still only making necessary shopping trips (for the most part).  We have only seen a handful of people face-to-face/"in real life" over the course of an entire year.  We go through the drive-thrus, pick out library books online, and have play dates and story time via FaceTime.  We are still hesitant to make concrete plans outside of our "bubble," not knowing what's coming next.  This has all started to feel normal, and I wish it didn't.

At the same time, however, as I think about our family and what's been going on in our little corner of the world for a year, now, everything has changed!  We are a family of four - we have TWO kids!  Our baby boy is nearing the end of toddlerhood.  Our new baby girl is over half a year old, now!  Whereas a year ago we hardly went two days in a row without getting out of the house, we've become accustomed to spending days on end at home...sometimes even without setting foot outside (thanks a lot, subzero temps).  Now, it's even sometimes our preference to stay home (granted, it's much easier to do so (see above note about the TWO kids)).  

While I still wish it didn't feel quite so normal to not have plans, to not see other people, to be home all the time, and to wear a mask, the year of "extreme togetherness" has been a gift in so many ways.  The lack of events, celebrations, and gatherings have allowed me to feel more content to just "be" in our new season of life.  It didn't feel like we were missing out on much, if anything, when we were in the newborn stage and even now, as we continue to live that "sleep, eat, play, repeat (and poop, if we're lucky)" life.  We've developed new rhythms, made lifestyle changes, and spent more time together than ever before, and I it has been so beneficial.    

God's timing, His peace, and His control are more evident to me as a result of this season than any other time in my life, I think.  He continues to provide in so many ways - both tangible and intangible; He always has.  Perhaps, I am just more attuned to it all.  Perhaps my head and heart are more clear, and therefore, able to take time and space to recognize these things, rather than being distracted by so much else.  Perhaps this is what I needed to learn and what I most need to take away from "all this COVID stuff" - to be more attentive to how God is working in my life, how He's showing up for me and those around me, and how I need to respond.

In spite of the hope vaccinations bring and the glimpses of normalcy the warmer weather may promise, the world is still so broken, unstable, and confusing.  God, on the other hand, is not.  He has not changed.  He is and was and forever will be hope, certainty, and peace.  He is our rock and our protector.  If only we will remember this and lean on Him...and encourage others to do so, as well.

May His peace, which surpasses all understanding, guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

Lovingly and prayerfully,

Kensy

Favorites of the day:

sprouts and buds and all things spring

nap scheduled aligning (!!!!)

This girl...and this outfit from our "hand-me-downs collection."

#2, so far

I don’t know if I’ve ever told you this: someday, I hope to have these blog posts printed and bound.  Not published, mind you - just put into book form for posterity’s sake.  I’ve kept a couple journals in my lifetime and also have some pretty priceless documentation of childhood family vacations (read: time stamps of every rest stop, full menu rundowns of every meal, and riveting reviews of destinations like “Neat!” and “Cool!”), but otherwise, this is the closest I’ve come to documenting life happenings and associated emotions.  So, that’s why I often say I’m writing something for posterity’s sake.  I share it all publicly, because family and friends are so spread out, and while I’d love to catch up with each of you over coffee, or even quick phone conversation, that’s just not feasible (even pre-COVID).  Since I know you care, though, I utilize “the scoop” to keep you in the loop.  (Jacob’s really into rhyming words, these days. You can maybe tell we hang out a lot...)

Ok - onto the real reason for posting today.  Actually - a few reasons.  First, wanted to document the first photo Jacob has taken:

Not this one.  This is just the one that "started it all..."
Lydia was out of pajamas before anyone else this morning, because she lost some of her first breakfast on hers.  So, wanted to document this cute outfit from Aunt Roo before any second breakfast ended up on it.

Then, Jacob asked to be in a photo (I'll almost always oblige him here, because I know (assume) the day will come that it will be a struggle to get him to pose for a picture, much less smile.)
Look at them looking at each other! ♥
The sweet kid even asked if he "did his good smile," because when he went through the "silly smile" phase, we often asked for a "good smile," and turns out, he didn't really know how to consciously make that happen.

THEN, he said, "Now I should take one of you two!" 
The idea/offer really surprised me - he's never asked or been asked to take a picture.  I almost declined, because I wasn't "photo ready" with my morning face and second-day braids (post-partum hair loss is in full swing, so I'm doing anything I can to contain all the rogue strands), but I quickly decided to just oblige HIM and see what happened.
The above is a sampling of the 50+ shots he got, some of which I truly love (mostly because Lydia - I mean, come on) and others of which I didn't plan to share publicly, but then, why not?

Secondly, many of you probably saw a recent post I made on Instagram about how real life has been, lately. I’ll share it here for reference:

Lydia and I haven’t slept in more than 2-3 hour stretches for several weeks. 

Jacob has been struggling with following directions and not talking back, lately, and sugar from special treats (like once-annual snow ice cream) do him no favors in this department. 

Meal-planning is still a pipe dream, because time is precious and I prioritize other things (like playing in the snow), even though lack of planning and prep aren’t helping me reach my pre-pregnancy body goals (no need for this to become a body image thing - I could probably write a whole post on that - I have a lot of grace for myself, right now; it’s just a matter of fact that my clothes don’t fit like I wish they did).
The “survival mode”-ness of this season often makes me feel like I’m failing as a wife and friend. 
All that said, hard things like those mentioned are more easily forgiven/forgotten in light of sweet moments like those captured in these snowy day pictures (as well as so many others I post on the regular). 
So thankful for God’s grace and the way He provides rest when possible and baby smiles when it’s fleeting, extra doses of patience and unsolicited hugs, and a true teammate of a husband as we navigate this whole parenting thing. 
I know everyone has their own version of a “things are not always as they seem” sort of post, and I don’t know that I’ve really written one. So, please just know that while we do have some pretty sweet moments with our really cute kids, there are several hard moments to go along with each. It’s just really dark and difficult to take pictures at 2, 3, and 4 a.m. and shots of a tantruming toddler are usually blurry. 😏
#lovethem #snowday #thatprobablyshouldvebeenablogpost 😬

I received so many kind and encouraging comments, notes, and even surprise mail after posting that.  Thanks to those of you who took time to share your two cents!  I thought I’d update you on how things are going, now:

Sleep is on the upswing!  Prior to her 4-month appt., I was feeding Lydia on demand - supplementing with formula after daytime feedings and just nursing at nighttime.  So, even though her night was from about 7 p.m.-7 a.m., she was crying out several times, and in an effort to make sure she was receiving the nourishment she needed (and keep her quiet so as not to wake Jacob in the next room), I just fed her each time.  (This was after figuring out she wanted her arms out of the swaddle...and always trying the pacifier first, only for her to reject it.)  Of course, my body often wouldn't allow me to go right back to sleep after being up, and on more than one occasion, Jacob called out for something in the middle of the night between Lydia's feedings.  My silver lining in all this was being able to crawl back under my cozy electric blanket several times a night - haha.

I was anxious to see how Lydia's growth was progressing and talk to the doctor about her thoughts on nighttime, and I was so glad to know she's right on track growth-wise and we can skip nighttime feedings (all except for one, if we want).  We're about a week out from that appt. and starting our new habits, but it's already such a relief.  Though she still wakes up most of the times she was previously, I'm only feeding her once in the middle of the night, and she has been able to put herself back to sleep after only a few minutes of sleepy crying the other times.  Phew.  Here's hoping she'll continue dropping some(all!) of those waking-up times ASAP.

This is how she often sleeps.  I know the lighting isn’t great, but I wasn’t going to risk waking her for a pic.  Just wanted to try to document her little hands behind her head. ♥

Jacob is doing better, behavior-wise, most days.  I truly think this is due to us cutting down on his sugar intake.  He wasn't having a lot, in the first place, but we've just been careful to not give him much, at all, in a day's time.  The few times we've given him a treat or had an out-of-the-ordinary day have made it very evident that he has a harder time controlling himself when he's had more sugar than normal.  It's crazy.  And kinda sad, because I'd love to share more treats with him, but it's been good to find other things to reward him with...which, in turn, helps create better habits for ourselves...

...speaking of which - we have a plan in place for that!  More on that later (hopefully).

Also - we’re just over a year since finding out we were expecting baby #2, so thought I’d reflect a bit on how the having two kids thing is going.  I actually don't know that I can concisely put it all into words, so I'll just leave a short bullet-point list, for now:

• It's gone better than I expected, which may actually be thanks to COVID.  There's not a lot pulling us in other directions/outside of our home, so we've been able to create and maintain rhythms that make the most sense for us, right now.  While I'm sad to not be able to "share" Lydia more, I'm glad for the valid excuse to lay low and keep her routine in tact most every day.
• I love watching Jacob be a big brother.  As Lydia has started to be more and more interactive, he's been more and more interactive with her.  He's a wonderful and willing helper (a lot of the time without even being asked...esp. when it comes to fetching clean diapers), he's including her in his play (again - without being asked), and he cheers her on with every new development.  It's just precious.
• I forgot how much I love babies.  I mean, yeah - I knew and know I love babies, but I kinda forgot why.  The cooing, the smiling, the squishiness - it's just all so sweet.
• Surprise - I really can love two kiddos equally and at the same time. ♥

As always, thanks to you all for sharing our journey - from near or afar - and caring about our family.  Looking forward to the day we can visit/see you in person, but in the meantime, thanks for keeping in touch.  Take care!

Motherly-ly,

Kensy

Favorites of the day:

Anita's Famous Rolls

Marco Polo (the app)

gift cards
the new Brown Sugar Chai Latte from Scooter's (I've only had it blended, so far, but anxious to try it hot!)

Our 2020 (so far)

2020 has been a lot of things for a lot of people.  There's been so much going on globally, nationally, locally...and the majority of what we hear about has been steeped in negativity.  My lack of comment on the world’s happenings is not out of ignorance or lack of compassion - I am just as saddened/frustrated/confused/scared as the next person.  Those feelings, however, are ones I'd rather not sit in, and I'm not one to stir the pot.  Instead, I'd like to share a couple (major) silver linings that have shown around the clouds of 2020 in our little corner of the world in an effort to spread some positivity and light.

First of all, and probably most obviously, we became a family of four!  Lydia Kaylynn was born September 9th - the day before her due date.  (If you're interested in her birth story, I've documented it here.)  Her first name is one we've liked for a long time, and her middle name is both her grandmothers' middle names combined.  What a precious gift she is!

(A generous and thoughtful group of friends gifted us a newborn/family photo session with a talented friend from church (@ladder_and_lens - if you're in the KC area, be sure to check her out - she'll be doing holiday mini-sessions soon!).)  

Many of you have asked how Jacob is adjusting, and I know even more of you are probably wondering.  He was very excited for us to come back from the hospital and barely took time to greet his dad and I before taking a peek at "baby sister."  It took less than 24 hours, however, for him to say things like, "I don't love it when she cries" and "When is she going to leave?"  He has come around, though, and we've all settled in more and more with each passing day.  He truly loves to help - fetch things, help with bath, feed her, etc., so that's been fun.  Any feelings of jealousy/neglect/annoyance/etc. have manifested themselves in some behavior issues, so that hasn't been fun.  He's been such an easy kiddo thus far, so these probably seem worse than they are, simply because he's been so good up until now.  He's also three, though, so these things are probably to be expected - new baby or not.  I've shed some tears over it all - both in frustration and exhaustion, but also a bit in mourning our "only child" and wondering if/when he'll go back to the way he was.  But then I realize that's expecting the impossible of him - life is different for all of us in a forever sort of way.  I've needed to tap into some extra grace for both him and myself as we navigate the new.  The year has been full of transition and change, and I think we are all craving some routine and normalcy - certainly in this house, at least.  Whether or not reestablishing some sort of routine will help with the adjustment period is yet to be seen, but either way, we'll figure it out.  

Perfect capture of the face we get when asking him to smile, these days. 
Of course he would choose the month he gains a sibling and we'd like to take allll the cute pictures to decide to try his hand at fake-smiling.

Moments like this make it all worth it, though.
(This was unpromted...he really does love her.)

Lydia has been such a good baby!  The first week or so was a bit rocky, as expected - hormones, all the changes, lack of sleep, etc. - but once we got our "newborn legs" under us, a bit, we started settling in more and more.  The most challenging thing, so far, as with our last baby, has been figuring out feeding.  She nurses like a champ, but for whatever reason, doesn't get enough milk from me, so we're supplementing some formula.  This is what we did with Jacob, as well - it just didn't take us as long to figure out what to do with Lydia.  It was still a hard thing for me, though, and I don't know if I can fully explain why except to say I was simply disappointed.  Disappointed it wasn't different this time (as I sort of expected being our second child).  Disappointed in my body and/or myself for not being able to figure out how to make it work better.  And once I realized and accepted it's out of my control, disappointed that it didn't work better.  I'm in a much better place now, though, and it's all going just fine.  A sweet perk of supplementing has been Jacob being able to help feed Lydia.  Early on, I think he was disappointed that I was the only one able to feed her, because due to books we'd read and things he'd observed, he assumed all babies ate from bottles and he'd be able to help.  So, when he first saw the bottle out, he said, "That will be easier!" meaning that would be easier for him to use to feed her.  He immediately asked to help, and of course, we obliged.  This was something I'd forgotten he would want to help with, so hadn't expected him to be so anxious to be included.  His enthusiasm and joy made all the other emotions/turmoil I'd been experiencing totally worth it.

♥

Secondly:

As many of you know, and others may have picked up on, Bryant (along with almost 50% of the company he worked for) was laid off due to COVID at the beginning of August (after being furloughed in July and asked to burn most of his vacation days in June).  This was something we had sort of anticipated at the beginning of "all this" in March, but as spring turned into summer, we thought there was less of a chance of it happening, so it came as quite a surprise.

You may be thinking, as we were, "What about insurance?  Aren't you expecting a baby?"  This was definitely one of the things we were most concerned about.  Because he worked one day at the beginning of August, our insurance plan through his employer would be good through the end of August - right before we were expected to deliver a baby in early September.  Bryant did an amazing job researching potential options for us, and as a result, he discovered that I, as a pregnant woman, qualified for Medicaid (so did Jacob).  That meant my appointments and Lydia's birth would be completely covered!  Here's the more amazing part, though: had he collected one more paycheck, we would've been over the income threshold and not qualified.  Thanks, God.

A little over a year ago, our church small group went through Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University (FPU).  Bryant and I have always kept a budget, but this program helped us tighten it up and be more conscious of our financial planning.  Because of this, we really were able to experience peace during this time of unemployment.  I realize this isn't the case for everyone when they lose a job, and I absolutely do not take it for granted.  I share this, however, because it is yet another piece of evidence that God had it all under control all along.  Also, I'd encourage anyone and everyone to participate in FPU (or something similar) in whatever capacity you're able - it really pays off (pun not originally intended).

As I mentioned, Bryant's previous employer required employees to use up all but a couple days of their vacation in the month of June, due to COVID.  So, had he still been working in September, he would've only had a few days off at the beginning of our transition to a family of four.  Instead, he's been home for weeks - both before and after the birth.  What a true blessing it's been to have him here.  Not only has he been home as we navigate the newborn phase with a toddler, but he was also home at the end of my pregnancy (when I was struggling to get down and up off the floor to play with Jacob, couldn't really lift things, was going to the bathroom every five minutes, etc.).  I'm certain the help he provided, and therefore, the extra rest I was able to get, contributed positively to my general mental health and largely to my quick recovery after delivery.  

Since we couldn't really travel during this time, we spent our time at home, which meant lots of quality family time (as well as mother/son and father/son time).  I can't tell you how many lists we made, finished, and re-made, because we had plenty of time and headspace to complete lingering projects before we had a new baby.  Because we were able to get so much done beforehand, we've really been able to focus on family time and rest when we can since she's been here.  

I've been waiting to share all this till we were "out of the woods" and on the other side of it all.  Not because I doubted it would happen - just because I wanted to be able to wrap it all up in one neat and tidy blog post, if possible - haha.  I'm happy to say that after submitting almost 60 job applications, several interviews (via phone, Zoom, and in person), and a few offers, Bryant is starting a new job tomorrow!  It's a normal M-F 8-hour day shift, which is not always the case in his line of work and is really wonderful for our family.  The position itself is a great career move for him and something he's excited about.

While we are so, so thankful for this job, it will surely be yet another adjustment for everyone.  Jacob and I (and now, Lydia, whether she realizes it or not) have become very accustomed to having Daddy home on a daily basis.  We've developed some rhythms over the past few months that have been so enjoyable but will be hard to break.  Please do not hear any of this as a complaint on my part - again, we're so glad for this employment opportunity.  We'll just be sad to see this sweet, dreamy season end.

You see all these silver linings, right?  Bryant was unemployed for months, and while at the onset it was scary and stressful, looking back, it was truly a blessing in disguise.  How else would he have had over a month off after the birth of our new baby?  How else would we have been able to accomplish everything we did so quickly and stress-free?  When else would he have gotten to spend so much one-on-one time with Jacob (doing lots of things, but mostly playing on the awesome swing set he built...and when would he have had time to do that, too?!)?

I realize not all of you believe in God, so perhaps you just perceive me as simply being optimistic about all this.  Even the strongest pessimist, though, would surely have a hard time ignoring the silver linings in our 2020.  Perhaps you are a believer, but find yourself in the middle of a similar (or worse) circumstance and doubting God's plan.  For us, what seemed like the worst timing may have actually been the best, and I truly believe it was not an accident.  I'm confident the Lord orchestrated every detail in our specific circumstance, as He does all circumstances.  I see this as clear evidence of His faithfulness and provision, and I pray this evidence will point you toward Him and serve as a reminder of His goodness.

Thank you so much to those of you who have supported, encouraged, and prayed for us during this time.  Thank you, also, for all the gifts and meals many of you have provided as we welcomed Lydia to our family.  These things would’ve been greatly appreciated, no matter when we might have had a baby, but they blessed us even more during this time when our budget was tighter than normal.  I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: we have an amazing village who loves us so well - in all circumstances, but especially through tough ones.  To say we have a lot to be thankful for is an understatement.  

Amazedly,
Kensy

Favorites of the day:

fall weather (mostly the perfect-70's-windows-open days, but the cozier ones, too)

This meal - made and plated by my super-dad husband who made the tomato soup from our garden-fresh tomatoes (and basil) while wearing a baby.

Being able to complete this project: processing all our garden-fresh butternut squash!
(It's amazing what one can accomplish with just a newborn around after becoming accustomed to a newborn AND a toddler.  Was thankful for some quality time with this sweet baby girl, as well as some time to get a few things done.)

Our Birth Story #2

I realize a lot of you probably don't care about all these details, but I also know enough of you do that it would be easiest to share them this way, rather than on an individual basis.  As I've said, too, this is a way for me to preserve our family's memories, so even if no one reads this particular post, it's at least been documented for posterity's sake.  So, all that said, here is Lydia's birth story:

At my ~39 week appt., I was dilated 3 cm and 50% effaced, which was no progress since my last week's appt.  Baby and I were both fine, and I still felt good, but we were reaching the end and time for her to be on the outside.  So, for several reasons, I decided to be induced, and based on everyone's schedules and a few logistics, we ended up scheduling the induction for the very next morning.

(This isn't necessarily actual-birth-related, but I want to remember the mixed feelings I had about scheduling this birth.  First of all, I felt like a little bit of a failure after having done everything in the book to make things happen naturally, only to find out my body hadn't made any progress.  Secondly, I love surprises, so I think part of my disappointment stemmed from the fact that we knew, generally, when she would arrive.  I was also feeling a little guilty that we'd had several (generously helpful) people on "standby" which meant putting their lives on hold, a bit, and we didn't end up needing to call on them.  That said, I was glad to have the time to truly plan and get things squared away (though we'd been doing that for weeks) before leaving for the hospital.  It was also valuable to be able to prepare Jacob and for my parents to have plenty of lead time to come stay with him.  Knowing it was our last night as a family of three made me a little emotional, but it was a relief to know she'd be here and we'd be able to move onto the next season.)

We arrived at the hospital, as instructed, at 6:00 a.m. - right when the shift was changing.  After checking in and being shown to our room, the nurses got me all charted, situated, and hooked up to start the lowest possible dosage of Pitocin around 7:20 a.m.  Shortly thereafter, we asked if I could take a COVID-19 test, so I could take my mask off, and the nurses said, "Of course!"  The (rapid) test was a self-administered 15-second swab of each nostril - "far enough up to the point that you feel like you're going to sneeze."  I swabbed and sneezed and sat back to wait for things to start moving.  My doctor arrived, as planned, to break my water at 8:30 a.m.

As the day progressed, and my body didn't, the Pitocin dosage was increased.  Lunchtime came and went, and the contractions became stronger and stronger.  At some point, I threw up all the clear liquid "food" I'd had throughout the morning - something that had happened when I was in labor the previous time.  We tried several different labor positions/techniques, so when the nurse told me around 2:00 p.m. that I was only dilated to 6 cm at the rate of 1 cm per hour, I was disappointed and so conflicted.  I was on Pitocin for my last delivery, so I knew what I was in for as far as pain goes, and at that point, I didn't know whether or not I could mentally or physically make it another four hours.  With that in mind, I made the decision to get an epidural (something I didn't do the last time).  The hour it took for the orders to be made, anesthesiologist to arrive, explanations to be given, and epidural to finally be administered was excruciating - physically and mentally.  For whatever reason, the contractions really ramped up in severity during that time, and it felt like the relief was never going to come.

It did, though, and I felt like a different person (and it showed, according to my husband).  Shortly thereafter, my blood pressure dropped, which meant the baby's heartrate did, too.  The nurses were having a hard time keeping track of her with the external monitor, so they made a plan to put in an internal one at the same time they put in a catheter (standard procedure after an epidural).  As the nurse prepared me for this, however, she discovered I was 10 cm dilated and 100% effaced.  They were all shocked, because just an hour earlier I was at 6 cm and maybe 75%.  So, they scratched the monitor/catheter plan, called the doctor, and prepared for delivery.  Once the doctor got there, I pushed three times and was done!  Bryant barely had time to get gloves on to help with the delivery.

And then she was here!  We waited in our room for quite a while (the nurses were busy that night) before being transferred to a room (with a "view" in the form of mountain view window clings of sorts to block the actual view of rooftops/HVAC systems).  We spent the night and most of the next day, and after passing all the usual check-ups and tests, we were discharged the next evening!  We absolutely could have stayed at the hospital longer, but there was really no reason to, as far as we were concerned.  My recovery was and has been easy and quick (for which I am very thankful), and Lydia has been doing all the right newborn things.

Hospital billboard on our way there - it says, "Ready for you."
Thought it was funny/appropriate/ironic. ☺

Here we go!

He got to catch another baby!

♥

I'd totally forgotten they made hospital hats with bows!

Aunt Jami made all our matchy-matchy-red-and-white-polka-dot dreams come true!

Thanks for reading!  Thank you, also, for those of you who supported, prayed, and encouraged us through the journey.  Happy to talk through any of this in more detail (yes, there are actually more details - haha) with anyone who'd like to do so. 

Sleeping as much as I can,

Kensy

Favorites of the day:

Ethiopian food

dark chocolate

Lydia's bow collection.
I'm not even going to try to justify it...but if you know me well, you know this is what dreams are made of.  ♥

Things I've Learned As a Mom 1.0

1. Baby fingernails peel off.  Somehow, this came up in the delivery room with our doctor...and somehow I had no idea of this fact.  We haven't used fingernail clippers on Jacob, yet, because really - they're still soft enough to just peel off.  Full disclosure: Yes, I've used my teeth to start the process a couple times.  I've never been a nail-biter; who knew I'd bite my kid's nails.  But still - I'm sharing this for all those moms with babies who may also not know how easy taming those talons can be.  You're welcome.

2. Moms planning to breastfeed their babies should invest in some comfy, quality nursing bras/camis/tanks/tops before giving birth.  I know sizing is a little tricky at that time, but postpartum clothes shopping is trickier.  Not only can it be difficult to actually get to the store, but also, who wants to try on clothes at that time in their life?  It's not fun or enjoyable.  Period.  There is the option of online shopping, which is totally doable, but you've gotta have something to wear in the 2 days before Amazon Prime can get your purchase(s) to your door. ☺

3. It's ok to give your baby more than the Dr.-suggested amount when supplementing while breastfeeding.  Whether it's formula or pumped milk, it doesn't matter - if he's hungry, he's hungry.  You may cry the first couple of times.  It may hurt your feelings/pride/sense of self-worth.  In the end, however, just know that you're giving your baby what he needs.  I knew this before becoming a mom, but implementing it for myself was harder than I thought.  There's a lot more to be said about it, but it's easier to discuss in person.  I'm sharing a bit here, though, because I think the breastfeeding/formula/feeding struggle is real for so many, and I want to provide a little solidarity for those who have been/are/will be in the same situation.  Also - I'm obviously not a doctor, so please consult your own when figuring out what is best for your own little one.

4. Commemorative plaster/clay newborn foot/handprint molds are mostly not worth doing.  Unless you want to lose your sanity/test your marriage/cry all the frustrated tears, I'd recommend skipping it.  I mean, you could wait to do them till your sweet babe is a little older/bigger and you are not quite so much under the influence of postpartum hormones, limited sleep, and so many other things that aren't going quite as you'd hoped...but then you wouldn't get the oh-so-tiny little prints to remember forever and ever.  Your call.

6. Baby smiles can pretty much fix anything.

7. Sleep when the baby sleeps, but only if you can peel yourself away from watching them sleep.  ☺

There are probably several more things I could add to this list, but will leave it at that, for now.  Would love to hear/read any additions you have to the list!

Motherly,
Kensy

P.S. Thanks so much to those of you who checked in after my last post.  I didn't mean for it to be quite the pity party it may have come across as - simply a glimpse into the reality of new-motherhood - but I sure appreciate all the positive feedback and support!  ☺

Favorites of the day:

zucchini bread

fall ☺

This birthday card from a former place of employment...where part of my job was caring for 2 sweet kitties.
They signed the card! ♥

New job titles: Mom & Dad

I don't know if I've ever told you this, but in jr. high, I was nicknamed "Mom" by my circle of friends.  This nickname stuck and permeated into other circles throughout high school and college.  For the first time, now, however, I can officially assume this role!

Our son, Jacob Earl, was born Monday, July 3, 2017 at 8:54 p.m.  He weighed 6 lbs. 7 oz. and measured 19 in. long.  I know several of you are interested in all the details, but several of you aren't, so I've written a separate post about his birth story.  Click here if you'd like to read it!  The nutshell version, though: it went well.  ☺

Perhaps my favorite part of being pregnant was watching Bryant getting increasingly excited to be a dad...and that "favorite" has permeated into motherhood.  I love how much he loves our son.  It's so awesome to see him assume a brand new role so naturally and so well.  Definitely brings a tear to my eye.

I have cried many tears over this baby, already (quite literally - have to wipe them off his super-squeezable cheeks, sometimes).  They start as happy tears - tears of gratitude for the gift God has given us in this son.  Tears of overflowing love for him.  Tears of amazement at the way he looks at me, and that he looks around for his dad and me when he hears us speak and did so even in his first few moments in the world.

My happy tears, however, soon turn to tears of heartache.  Perhaps it's my hormones leaking, as I like to say, but more likely, it's my heart growing to understand new heights of joy and realizing the potential for equal depths of pain.  My heart aches for those who long to be mothers and are still patiently waiting on God's timing and answer to their persistent prayers.  My heart aches for those mothers who have lost children, young and old.  It aches for those whose are witnessing their babies going through illness and pain.

These tears change again, however, to tears of admiration.  Admiration of all the mothers who have gone before me - those I've known, those I've observed from afar, and those I've only heard about.  It's been made clear to me that a mother's sacrificial love manifests itself in so, so many ways - before and after birth!  It is shown in late-night feedings and early morning diaper changes.  In months of careful eating and health monitoring in an effort to get pregnant.  In wanting the very best for her child, regardless of the implications on herself.  In financial saving and sacrifices to fund adoption and/or fostering.  In sore nipples and tears of pain during breastfeeding.  In complete lifestyle changes and priority shifts.  Obviously, this is not a comprehensive list - only the tip of the "mother's love" iceberg - but it's what's on my heart, right now.  A mother loves her child so much before she meets him/her, and though it doesn't seem like there could possibly be any more love to give, that love just continues to multiply once she holds her child in her arms and watches him/her grow.  It's amazing.

(A father's love is similar, of course, but I can't speak about it as knowledgeably...☺)

On a lighter note...I believe I promised you pictures of the nursery.  ☺  Keep in mind these were taken before Jacob arrived.  There have been some subtractions/additions of various things, and it definitely looks more "lived in," currently.  Wish I could somehow attach the "new baby" smell for you all!  (I mean that wonderfully good "new baby" smell - nothing to do with poopy diapers, though in an effort to keep it real, I'd probably attach that, too.)

This is a "before" picture of the bookshelf corner...

...and after!
Shelves courtesy of IKEA - custom cuts and installation courtesy of my handy husband!

So many great things in this pic!
The dresser-turned-changing-table was found and delivered by Bryant's parents and painted by his talented sister.  Isn't it beautiful?!  And it's the perfect size/height.
You may recognize the pennant banner and diaper cake from a couple different showers.
The little wagon is holding alphabet blocks is an antique from my dad's side of the family.

Another great hand-made gift and little boots from ancestors on my dad's side of the family.

We were so excited when we found this rocker at a consignment sale - it was just what we were looking for!
The afghan was made by a friend (it's the perfect size - Jacob and I have used it every time he's nursed!).
Boppy and cover (and cute little tote down there) were much-appreciated, practical gifts.

We couldn't believe our luck when we found this crib on clearance at NFM at 1/3 of the original price!
Both blankets were handmade gifts.
You may recognize the wall-hangings from the showers, as well.

We'd been collecting books here and there for a long time and have been gifted so, so many since our pregnancy news and baby's arrival.
The frog was a gift, and the striped bin was the very first thing I purchased for the nursery after finding out our baby was a boy.

That's all, for now, from this new mom!  Thanks, as usual, for reading and for your interest, love, and support.

Not-too-terribly-tiredly,
Kensy

Favorites of the day:

Our first date night as parents: "Netflix and Chill" with ice cream souvenirs we brought home from the hospital.
(Do you get it?  "chill" - ice cream?  Haha.  Bryant has been killing it with the "Dad Jokes," already.  Though, if you know him at all, you know he was ultra-prepared in that department, and had been practicing long before adding the "Dad" part to his joke repertoire.  ;)

the fact that this baby is starting to learn the difference between night and day, already!

These precious bright eyes.  Can't wait to see what color they turn out to be!
His mom and dad's are hazel and green, respectfully, so we'll see.

Our Birth Story

"Remember that time we packed our hospital bag thinking we were just being prepared, and our son was born 24 hours later?"

This is something we'll be saying for a long time to come, I'm sure.

For real, though – we had JUST packed our bag. Bryant said, “If we pack it now, he’ll come on time. If we don’t, he’ll come tomorrow.” And as he likes to say, now, "I was half right!"  Our baby boy gave us the best surprise by coming 18 days early, and we were so glad to get to meet him sooner than expected!

Here are the details for those of you are interested:

I woke up at about 1:00 a.m. thinking I was wetting the bed. I got up to go to the bathroom thinking, “Gosh – I’ve really lost all control…also, I haven’t peed this much in a long time!” (I’ve been known to have a “peanut” for a bladder when I’m not pregnant…so, when pregnancy squished that "peanut" in half (or more)...you get the idea.)

Anyway, I started to change the sheets, thinking the ordeal was over and I'd just go back to sleep (of course, we'd gone to bed later than usual that night).  Before I was able to wake Bryant, he rolled over, woke up from a dream, saw me out of bed with the sheets half off the bed, and said, "Woah!"  I told him what I thought had happened, but that the "pee" was still coming out.  Cue Google and a "how do I know my water is breaking" search.  All the while, I was still in denial.  Surely my water hadn't broken.  Surely we're not going to the hospital to check.  SURELY we won't be staying to have our son tonight!

Once Bryant was up for real, though, he was sure of what was happening and was in "go" mode right away.  He was so sweet to let me take time to shower, help get the sheets in the wash and put new ones on, make sure I ate something substantial, and tie up a few other loose ends (getting a b-day card in the mail, tidying up the kitchen counter, starting the dishwasher, etc....I wanted to do all the things!) before we left (because he knew we wouldn't be coming home for a couple days...I was still in denial, I think).

We checked in to the hospital around 4:30 a.m., and it was confirmed we were going to be having a baby that day!  My water had indeed broken (thank goodness I'd purchased some disposable underwear (lady diapers) on sale that week and had them handy to wear on the way...), and I was 80% effaced and dilated 2 cm.  We enjoyed a beautiful sunrise from our room and settled in to await the arrival of our son!

Around lunchtime, the contractions started to get more "uncomfortable," but my progress was kinda stuck at 95% and 4 cm.  So, around 3:45 p.m., they put me on a dose of Pitocin to "get things moving," since my water had already broken.  True to their warning, the Pitocin resulted in stronger and more productive contractions.  I had decided to go through labor and delivery without an epidural and had planned to not opt for any pain meds.  I'd hoped to use the Jacuzzi tub as a "last resort" sort of relief, but when I got to the point of asking to use it, the nurse kindly reminded me that I wasn't able to, since my water had already broken.  So, at that point, I went ahead and asked for a dose of pain meds in my IV, since that was my only option for a bit of relief.  Not too long after that, it was time to push (for ~26 mins.), and then, we were holding our son!

Backing up a bit to that whole labor process: wow.  I need to say first and foremost: I couldn't have done it without my husband.  From the time he woke up when I was changing the sheets to the delivery of our son, he was the BEST partner I could've asked for.  He had done a ton of research in preparation for our natural childbirth and had began coaching me on relaxation techniques several weeks prior.  When the time came to implement these techniques and tools, he was ready!  Not only did he provide his own constant encouragement, but he even asked several women in my life to write notes of encouragement/support/distraction to give me during the many hours of labor!  He knows me so well.

I wish I could put into words what an out-of-body experience it all was.  I truly felt like a crazy person for a few hours toward the end.  I just wanted to be able to hug and thank all the nurses for enduring the moaning/yelling/writhing hot mess I was, but literally, all I could do was not-super-kindly ask for various "needs" during that time (a hand to push, less pressure there, another pillow here, etc.).  I can't imagine what Bryant was thinking/feeling seeing me like that.

Perhaps the most special part of the whole process was our awesome doctor letting Bryant assist with the delivery - he got to be the very first person to hold our son!  What an amazing experience for him.  I have to say, I am a little embarrassed by my initial face after delivery.  I think I was just in shock that the many hours of labor were actually over and I wasn't in pain, and I was also in awe of the baby they were placing on my chest.  It really took me a couple minutes to come back to my right mind and wrap my head around what was happening.  It didn't take long, however, for the joy, amazement, and gratitude to set in - our son was here!

Another cool thing about the whole process: there was an EMT student who had asked to observe our birth.  When she asked if she could, my only question before agreeing was, "Can you take pictures?"  She was more than willing to do so, and she caught some truly amazing moments that we will cherish for a long, long time.  She was also willing to assist with my labor needs, which Bryant was extra thankful for.  He told me, "I never knew how (physically) strong you were!"  Needless to say, he was glad for an extra pair of hands.

Our hospital stay afterward was wonderful.  We had a few visitors, but were also able to spend quality time together as a new family of three!  The nurses and staff were very helpful, caring, and encouraging the whole time.  They made sure all our questions were answered - even ones we didn't know to ask - and ensured our health and comfort during our entire stay.

Though I missed out on playing in a July 4th band concert (don't worry - we listened to "Stars and Stripes Forever" on the way to the hospital to make up for it) and the fireworks show afterward, we got to watch some firework displays from the floor-to-ceiling windows in our third floor hospital room.  It was a really special night!

So, there you have it!  Thanks for being interested and reading.  Hopefully, it wasn't TMI for ya.  ☺

Recovering well,
Kensy

Favorites of the day:

the Moby wrap I scored at a garage sale

flowers from Baby Jacob ☺

meals and treats from friends and family - thank you!

We're having a baby!

This is not a drill.

I know you've been "burned" by me before with sharing pretend big news, but this time, I'm not pulling on your leg.  (I promised I wouldn't do it again after that one post...)

We're actually having a baby!

Here are some common questions we've received upon sharing this news with people in person, along with our answers:

When are you due?
mid-July

Will you find out the gender?
Yes.

How have you been feeling?  
Eh.  Ok...haha.  I keep telling people I definitely know there's something different going on, because I haven't wanted to eat anything, really, for the past month+.  Who am I?!?!  I'll leave it at that, for now; more details upon request.

Are you excited?  
Duh!  haha - jk.  Yes, we're so excited!

Have you started prepping the nursery?  
Kind-of.  We (and by "we," I mean my amazingly-handy husband) are in the middle of finishing up several house projects.  Once they're done, we'll be able to (finally!!!!!) move things downstairs, including the guest room.  Then, and once we find out the gender, we'll be able to focus more on the nursery.

What have you been craving?
This is what I always like to ask expectant mothers - I think it's so interesting!  Come to find out, though, my experience with "cravings," so far, has not been so much what sounds good on top of my normal diet, but rather, it's been the only things that sound good, period.  And they change daily.  (Bless my sweet husband.)  Some "regulars" have been cereal, fruit juice popsicles, grilled cheese/fried egg sandwiches, and banana/PB/marshmallow cream roll-ups (these were already a thing for us - not a crazy pregnancy creation).  But really - these are just a few of the "Yeah, I think that sounds good..." items.  More extensive list upon request.

Any questions we forgot to include?  Ask away!

In case you missed it, this was our official announcement for the world of social media:

I thought I'd treat you, dear readers, to some behind-the-scenes shots of this gem.  ☺

Sometimes, neither of them looked.

Sometimes, Charlie looked.

Sometimes, Pepper looked.

(kinda)

And sometimes, she stuck out her tongue.

Sometimes, they got tired of waiting for treats...

Sorry to not have video documentation of this ordeal...I'm sure it would've provided even more entertainment.

Anyway, that's our news!  Thanks to those of you who have shared in our excitement!

More later...

Pregnantly,
Kensy

Favorites of the day:

pineapple juice/ginger ale/orange sherbet/vanila ice cream NYE punch!

Christmas pictures/letters/correspondence (we didn't send one out this year, for the record)

my hard-working husband ♥