Nothing and everything

Did anyone besides me think I'd actually get a post out on the precise "COVID-versary?"  A few days late isn't bad, though...especially given the year its been.  Right?  ;)  I didn't really intend to write a "one year later" post, but then, it all kind of hit me, and as you know, this is how I best process.  

I can't remember whether or not I've written much about the IF:Gathering in the past (and I can't afford the time to search the archives), so I'll give an elevator pitch here:

The IF:Gathering is a women's conference held in TX and live-streamed (even pre-2021) to viewers worldwide.  The theme each year centers around "IF" (What IF God is real?  What IF He keeps His promises?  How do we respond?).  This year, the theme was "Even:IF - Even IF the worst happens, we don't lose hope."  Women are invited to host IF:Locals in their churches, homes, schools, etc., and for the last few years, I have led a team to host an IF:Local at our church.  We typically gather Friday evening and most of Saturday to tune in to the live worship and speakers, share meals and snacks, participate in great conversation, and make a craft or two.  IF:2020 was one of the last big "things" in my/our life before the stay-at-home orders went into place. 

So, as I sat down to watch IF:2021 - alone, in our basement, while corresponding with ladies from our church on the live chat feature - I got teary.  Yes, we have missed several "normal" gatherings, events, occasions, etc. in the past year, but we found ways to work around them, compromise, and make the best of the worst.  Yes, this virtual IF:Gathering was the best possible work-around for all involved, and the IF team made it all so easy for us to tune in and stay as connected as possible - I wasn't sad because I had to miss out on the content, or anything.

Baby's first IF:Gathering
(just briefly during her before-bed feeding...so, I guess I wasn't alone the whole time - haha)

What made me most sad was the connection, conversation, quiet stillness, corporate worship, and honestly, yummy snacks we were all missing out on.  I was sad thinking about so many viewing it together, yet alone in our separate places, and knowing how much better it could be...how much better it always was.  I was sad knowing how much we're all craving normalcy and hugs and face-to-face, non-masked conversation.  I did what I could to make the ladies from our church who tuned in feel special and connected, but felt helpless to provide what I know at least I wanted: an extended period of time to ourselves, out of our homes, being filled spiritually, emotionally, physically, and relationally - not worrying about who's cooking or what's happening next or what else we should be doing.  As this was all hitting me harder than I expected, I was trying to figure out why.  

After a year of quarantine, it feels like nothing has changed.  We are still keeping to ourselves as much as possible.  We are still only making necessary shopping trips (for the most part).  We have only seen a handful of people face-to-face/"in real life" over the course of an entire year.  We go through the drive-thrus, pick out library books online, and have play dates and story time via FaceTime.  We are still hesitant to make concrete plans outside of our "bubble," not knowing what's coming next.  This has all started to feel normal, and I wish it didn't.

At the same time, however, as I think about our family and what's been going on in our little corner of the world for a year, now, everything has changed!  We are a family of four - we have TWO kids!  Our baby boy is nearing the end of toddlerhood.  Our new baby girl is over half a year old, now!  Whereas a year ago we hardly went two days in a row without getting out of the house, we've become accustomed to spending days on end at home...sometimes even without setting foot outside (thanks a lot, subzero temps).  Now, it's even sometimes our preference to stay home (granted, it's much easier to do so (see above note about the TWO kids)).  

While I still wish it didn't feel quite so normal to not have plans, to not see other people, to be home all the time, and to wear a mask, the year of "extreme togetherness" has been a gift in so many ways.  The lack of events, celebrations, and gatherings have allowed me to feel more content to just "be" in our new season of life.  It didn't feel like we were missing out on much, if anything, when we were in the newborn stage and even now, as we continue to live that "sleep, eat, play, repeat (and poop, if we're lucky)" life.  We've developed new rhythms, made lifestyle changes, and spent more time together than ever before, and I it has been so beneficial.    

God's timing, His peace, and His control are more evident to me as a result of this season than any other time in my life, I think.  He continues to provide in so many ways - both tangible and intangible; He always has.  Perhaps, I am just more attuned to it all.  Perhaps my head and heart are more clear, and therefore, able to take time and space to recognize these things, rather than being distracted by so much else.  Perhaps this is what I needed to learn and what I most need to take away from "all this COVID stuff" - to be more attentive to how God is working in my life, how He's showing up for me and those around me, and how I need to respond.

In spite of the hope vaccinations bring and the glimpses of normalcy the warmer weather may promise, the world is still so broken, unstable, and confusing.  God, on the other hand, is not.  He has not changed.  He is and was and forever will be hope, certainty, and peace.  He is our rock and our protector.  If only we will remember this and lean on Him...and encourage others to do so, as well.

May His peace, which surpasses all understanding, guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

Lovingly and prayerfully,

Kensy

Favorites of the day:

sprouts and buds and all things spring

nap scheduled aligning (!!!!)

This girl...and this outfit from our "hand-me-downs collection."