#2

It's true: we're expecting Baby #2!

(Honestly didn't plan to start that way - it just came out...rhyming and all.  So, I'm gonna leave it.)

In case you missed it, we're expecting a baby girl near the beginning of September.  ☺  It's still hard for me to believe...although, since we've told Jacob - the person I talk to most, lately - it's become more real.  This pregnancy has been...different...strange?...a little difficult...emotional...weird...  Please don't misunderstand me - it is a huge blessing, something we'd hoped and prayed for, and I'm excited about it.  That said, it has come with some unexpected feelings, for me.  I still haven't figured out how to put it all into words, but here are a few I came up with:

The first trimester (and a little beyond) was physically debilitating, at times.  In all humility, I'm one who has a fairly high pain tolerance, usually works through sickness, and doesn't draw attention to my own discomfort.  The nausea that accompanied pregnancy this time around, however, truly had me laid up in bed on more than one occasion.  Thankfully, it was less "morning sickness" and more "evening sickness," so my amazing husband could take over with Jacob once he got home most days.  I basically survived on cereal and string cheese, drank anything but water, and came out of it craving fruits and veggies.  (PSA: Smoothie King has a prenatal vitamin blend as an add-in option!)

Though you'd think the constant nausea and food aversions would've reminded me I was growing a human, it still wasn't at the forefront of my mind.  What was more consuming were thoughts about sharing our news with those struggling/unable to have children of their own.  As I've mentioned before, my personality type comes with a lot of empathy, so in all honesty, there were times feelings of grief and sadness for others outweighed my own feelings of joy in my heart.  The anticipation of conversations with close friends and loved ones in that situation was also fairly consuming.

Once the second trimester hit, I was feeling much better and had gotten the hard conversations out of the way.  Again, you'd think this would allow more head space for pregnancy to be a greater focal point in my day-to-day, but it still wasn't, really.  For one thing, not very many people knew (simply because we decided to tell people slowly/as we saw them), so it wasn't something anyone was really asking about on the regular.  Also, toddler-hood is so very consuming.  I was doing well to take care of/entertain/feed our two-and-a-half-yr.-old, as well as myself and my husband (though I think he was doing a better job of taking care of us all than I was), all while still trying to ward off "pregnancy brain" as I continued to organize/manage all the other things in which I'm involved.  Of course, I had lists of lists of things I wanted to accomplish pre-baby (projects, purging, baby-gear-inventory, etc.), but as soon as we'd discussed those, written them down, and started working on them, they were out of my head...and with them went some of the constant reminder of having another child on the way.

And then, COVID-19 hit.  Something I haven't mentioned about this strange time in my previous posts about it is this:
I have been grieving (in small, but real, ways) the end of my time with "just Jacob" since before I was even pregnant, I think.  He's such a great kid, and as I've said before, I truly enjoy spending my days with him...despite the not-so-desirable moments.  We get along really well, due in part, I'm sure, to the fact that we're a lot alike.  We are easily excitable, thrive on routine, appreciate tidiness, have similar senses of humor, and enjoy being with/talking to our friends.  The thought of our "routine" changing and trying to find where another human fits into our family dynamic is a little overwhelming to me, at times.  BUT what far outweighs that is the excitement I have about watching another child develop and getting to witness Jacob become a big brother.  He has taken such a liking to babies (long before he found out we'd be getting one of our very own), and it is precious to hear him talk about and interact with them.  He is also a true helper, and I though I will need to try hard not to take advantage of this trait, I know he will enjoy having some new "jobs."  While I am certain the transition will have its ups and downs and am prepared to have lots of grace for everyone involved, I pray I have the capacity to continue to nurture and give Jacob what he needs, and hope that his sweet, thoughtful, kind demeanor does not change due to less/split/different attention paid to him.

What I really came here to say on the COVID-19 subject is that this has given Jacob and I such a sweet opportunity for lots of quality time together.  Of course, we had that in the "before times," but we kept fairly busy with outings, playdates, etc.  This time, however, has allowed me to hone some "mom traits" I hadn't felt as able to focus on pre-pandemic.  I strive to sit down and actually play with him on a more regular basis.  I allow him even more room to help in his own ways (rather than guiding him toward the most efficient way).  We've started doing more intentional/distinct "school" activities.  I've dug into my previously-untouched Pinterest boards for interesting new projects and activities.  I'm not saying all this to brag or be nominated for any mom awards.  Rather, I'm sharing to say that this time has allowed me to make some strides in becoming the mom I aspire to be.

Another big blessing of this situation: the quantity of time we have to work on that pre-baby list.  I have no doubt we would've gotten most, if not all, of it crossed off in time, even had everything else in life not been cancelled.  We have made some great headway, though, and it's really nice to be able to do so at a reasonable pace while still taking advantage of quality time together.

Not sure whether all that makes sense and/or is relatable for any of you with multiple children and/or more on the way.  Again - please know I see this pregnancy for the miracle that it is and do have a lot of joy about it.  I believe we can feel joy simultaneously with other emotions, though, and that's what's been happening here for the last several months.  Don't worry about me - I'm really ok, and I know it will all be ok.  This is just a glimpse into this mama's heart of hearts as she takes a (blessed) moment to actually explore and unpack what's been going on in there.  ☺

Thanks, as always, for reading!

Pregnantly,
Kensy

Favorites of the day:

surprise porch drop-off packages and fun mail (this has been one of my favorite parts of all this pandemic stuff)
technology (I know people have survived pandemics without it, but I don't know that I could...)

A family picnic (Shake Shack - yum!) followed by a walk on a beautiful evening.  This was the first time in over a month we had all gone somewhere and gotten out of the car, and it felt like such a treat.

COVID 19: Part 2 & Easter

Welp, turns out I have more thoughts to share.  No one is surprised.

First of all, something I meant to mention in my last post:

One of the things that makes me most sad about this whole pandemic situation is all the life events accompanied by large gatherings that have been put on hold or cancelled, all together.  Whether a large wedding, a milestone birthday party, a funeral, a months-have-gone-into-planning-this work event, a graduation – there are countless things that have had to be permanently crossed off calendars or postponed till who-knows-when.  As an Enneagram 2, I tend to feel other people’s feelings, and the disappointment/sadness/grief surrounding all these cancelled/postponed/changed life events can be a little overwhelming.  I so admire those who are making the best of these situations, whether it be a tiny wedding ceremony, a virtual birthday party, a drive-by retirement celebration, etc., etc.  Doesn't mean they can't be sad for what they're missing, though...and if they're not, I'm probably sad enough for us both - haha.

Moving on…

Thank goodness for Pinterest and smart/creative friends who share ideas.  Here are some of the ways we’ve been spending our days (or at least a few moments of them):

Starting our garden inside this year!
(But with old seeds, so we'll see how it goes.)

He really liked this activity ("painting" cardboard with water), but was very surprised to see his artwork had disappeared.
Not to worry - he was happy to draw it all over again.

Tried out Kinetic Sand for the first time, and it was a hit!

Thanks to a "hot tip" from a friend, I found this gem (sans accessories - we had all those, already) for free at the end of a driveway.  We were soooo glad for a couple warm days to try it out and are looking forward to more.  He was soaked, but was happily occupied for the better part of an hour!  The first day, I pulled weeds and did yard work in the general vicinity.  The second, I sat in the sun and leafed through a magazine in it's entirety - a small miracle!

Modified this Pinterest hunt, since the green leaves weren't on, yet, and the bugs were sparse. 
A success, all the same!

A friend turned us on to Cosmic Kids Yoga, and it's been really fun.  Jacob now requests "kids yoga," and though he usually watches more than participates, unless I do the whole thing with him, he's getting more involved (and involving more "friends") every time.

*not pictured: countless FaceTime dates, Marco Polo conversations, phone calls, and "fun" mail - so thankful for it all!

I know this is hard for everyone in different ways – some we can pinpoint and acknowledge and some we are unaware of.  My smart, sweet husband sent me out of the house to drive around while he was off work the other day, so I wrote some of this from my car in a sunny parking lot.  The peace and quiet did exactly what he knew I needed it to, though I can’t put into words exactly what that was.

I understand a lot of what I’m feeling stems from various forms of grief.  Our current life situation is not something any of us have schema for or previous experience with, so our brains and hearts are figuring it all out in real time.  Paired with all the physical/tangible changes we’re also navigating, it makes for some truly exhausting moments/hours/days/times.

Easter was an especially weird day for me – I don’t have any other word to describe it.  There were ups and downs, though no real high highs or low lows.  For one thing, it was dark and stormy, but with glimpses of sunshine – a true metaphor for my emotions.  

We had stretched out our Easter celebration, because Bryant worked the weekend (his work schedule has changed as a result of COVID-19 - 12-hr. shifts on a rotating basis...while the days get long, it is nice to have him more full days).  It was strange to not have him with us.  Of course, the no “in person” church thing added to the weirdness.  Jacob was sent to his room in the middle of the sermon, because he wasn’t happy with me for asking him to find something to do on his own if he wasn’t going to play nicely in the room where we were listening to the message.  Disciplining my child in the middle of an Easter sermon was weird for me.  Not meeting for church also meant not being part of the musical worship setting – something I’ve done in various ways for as long as I can remember.  Thank goodness for my hymnal and piano in the basement…it did my heart good to play/hear “Jesus Christ is Risen Today.”

All that said, here are some Easter-time highlights:

This was the most festive our food game got. 
Turns out, Jacob loves these nearly as much as his dad does.

The extent of our Easter morning photos.
Nanny Byers makes the coolest shirts!

Sweet "secret Easter bunny" friends hid eggs in our front yard Easter morning.  Jacob was so excited to go pick them up and see what was inside.  It definitely made the morning more enjoyable for both of us. 
Since I didn't have to take time to fill/hide eggs, we had time for a walk afterward.  Thank goodness for the somewhat-nice morning before the storms rolled in.
(We'd also had a special delivery the day before that included several pre-filled eggs.  We took turns hiding those around the house later in the afternoon.  Such thoughtful people we know. ♥)

A fun Easter craft (thanks to my Cricut).

Jacob invited lots of "friends" to church on Easter Sunday.
Like I said - Easter was a weird day for me.  I was feeling guilty for not having made a special meal, so decided to make the meal special by having a living room picnic while watching the Veggie Tales Easter episode.  It went over well. ☺

I've been missing Runzas, lately, so decided to make some of our own. 
Not quite the "real" thing, but still hit the spot...for everyone!

Praise God for Jesus and the hope we have in Him.  There is joy and comfort in that, no matter the circumstances in which we find ourselves.

On a lighter note:

A friend has been putting together a video summary for each day of the “stay home” order and asked for some “audience participation.”  So, I added a skill (video-editing – ha) to my resume, and put the following together: https://youtu.be/VuJa7rP4rHs.

I’m really glad to have been prompted to do this, because while this may not be the “best of times,” it’s something worth remembering…and really – there truly are parts of it that are “the best.” ☺  Hoping this will bring some humor to your day.  ♥

Hanging in there and hoping the same for you,

Kensy

Favorites of the day:

all the creativity and content that's been emerging, lately

pre-Easter surprises from my husband (our designated shopper)

Surprise Easter delivery from a sweet friend