Our Very Hungry Caterpillar

As of a month ago, we have a one-year-old in the house!  So hard to believe.  I still don't know how to feel about it.  BUT, I thought I’d share some pictures of his Pinterest-inspired (though not Pinterest-worthy) party! ☺

Bryant's mom made the super cute birthday shirt (GreatStitch), and his mom and sister made the awesome quilt!
(These are for sure Pinterest-worthy, for the record.)

Thank you, Amazon, for having the perfect plain, colored, non-glitter b-day hats that happened to match the "Happy Birthday" banner I've had for years!

Hooray for free online printables and bamboo skewers I always knew I was saving for a reason!

These were his monthly "milestone" pictures!

Never did I ever expect to have a "photo booth" at our one-year-old's birthday party, but it just kind-of happened. 
The caterpillar ended up on the empty spot we usually take pictures in front of, and it ended up being a nice way to commemorate the decoration.

More monthly pics (he had almost exactly the same few poses each month, so I couldn't help but print them all out).

The "spread!"

(Cucumbers and mint fresh from the garden!)

My 4-H cake decorating training/materials came in handy!

His very first cake (or treat of any kind) experience!

He commonly eats with just one hand, so this method wasn't out of the ordinary. 
He took bites a little faster than normal, though. ☺

When they take the cake away...

Made a pretty good dent in it!

This party was a little more involved than I'd originally thought it would be, but when you have all the materials to just keep decorating (thanks to my card-making hobby/materials), you just keep decorating!  haha.  I kept telling myself that because I wasn't planning to make all the food the caterpillar eats in the book, and I also wasn't planning to poke little holes in all the food, I wasn't going completely overboard.  I did, however, put up more decorations than I'd thought I would, and just generally did more than serve a meal and some cake.  It was enjoyable, though, and really fun to make it special.

...

I considered leaving this post at that; a fun DIY party that was enjoyable all around.  In the interest of transparency and sharing life lessons learned, however, I’m going to tell another part of this story.

There were tears involved.   Unnecessary-stress induced tears.  Unnecessary stress-induced tears.

There were a few causes for these tears (including, but not limited to, the fact that our baby was turning ONE), but the unnecessary stress I brought upon myself to put on this super-casual, low-key first birthday party caused me to reach a breaking point.

In an effort to try to help my sweet, patient husband understand what was contributing to my inner turmoil and unrest over this gathering (for which we didn’t even send out formal invitations), I did some serious self-reflection (that I've already shared and talked through with him, for the record). Here’s what I figured out:

I felt alone. Felt is the key word, here. I knew then, and I still know now, that I wasn’t, but for some reason, that didn’t stop me from feeling alone and unsupported in the planning process.  We had a lot going on in the time leading up to this milestone, so yes, I may have been the only one making the specific plans (both necessary and unnecessary ones, mind you).  That doesn’t mean, however, that my husband and pretty much everyone who was going to attend the event didn't offer to help.  As it turns out, I’m just terrible at accepting help and even more terrible at asking for it.  This wasn't the first time this has been an issue for me.  I’ve even been know to rescind a request for help because I felt guilty/bad/burdensome for asking in the first place.  Some would probably say it's a matter of control.  At times, it very well may be, but only in part.  More-so, I just really don't want to inconvenience others, especially when I am fully capable of doing what I'm asking them to do...or when I don't think the task I'd be asking them to do is completely necessary in the first place (i.e. hole-punching pieces for a homemade banner that I wasn't even planning to make).

The other, less-prevalent-in-my-life, thing I realized is that I did more decorating than I'd planned because it was really the only thing I could do in advance.  I couldn't make food more than a couple days ahead of time.  My biggest fear was the cake frosting "melting," so I wanted to wait till the night before to do the cupcakes/cake.  I could only clean so far in advance before things would need cleaning again.  So, since all the plans were made, but I felt like I couldn't do anything in the couple weeks leading up to the party, I just kept making decorations.  I don't regret it (esp. since I didn't really spend money on them - I already had all the materials in my stamping stash...and it's something I enjoy doing), but I do regret the time it took away and stress I allowed it to add to everything else life entailed at the time.

As I was writing this (because goodness knows this wasn't written all in one sitting (#allthenaptimes)), I was listening to a podcast during which they discussed the fear of failing in front of others and the need to have emotions/hurts/feelings/"wrestle points"/circumstances known.  It was my desire for this party to go off without a hitch and be enjoyable for all who attended.  It was also my desire to creatively and economically make it special, which meant several DIY projects.  My fear of it all not getting done, the cake melting, the food not being enough, etc., etc. was real.  If I failed in any of these areas, it would be very evident to those attending the party (who would not have cared/judged at ALL, for the record).  I kept all this fear bottled up inside of me until it came spilling out of my eyeballs in the form of ugly-cry-tears.  I (finally) expressed these fears, took a deep breath, and realized how irrational I was being.  This may have all been a silly reason to come to some of these realizations, but I'm so glad to have come to the realizations, period, regardless of the reason.

Something else that was mentioned on the podcast put into words something I've been trying to explain (to myself and others), but hadn't quite been able to figure out how to do so: "Recreation causes disappearance."  When someone can recreate our feelings/situation in a way we feel completely heard, then that can cause our situation to disappear in a way that no longer bears weight on our life.  I've heard the quote before, but had to look up who said it first: Timothy Keller said (wrote?), "To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything."  Bottom line: God is enough.  He's more than enough, in fact.  He both knows AND loves us, and He's all that matters.  Why, oh why, is this simple, simple truth so difficult to remember, sometimes?  I've been writing (in my head, that is) pieces of a whole other blog post about my desire to be known in my still-fairly-new community and stage of life (outside of marriage), but I'm deciding right at this moment that I'm not going to do so.  Writing the post itself would've been a cry out to be known by others besides the Lord, and it's just not necessary.

So, anyway...here I am, writing to you in an effort to put my fears/failures/mistakes/emotions out in the open; not for sympathy, but in an effort to bring some light and solidarity to some issues I'm sure I'm not the only one struggling with (speaking of struggling, I'm struggling to leave that sentence ending with a preposition, but I'm going to, anyway...choosing my battles...or something like that...).  I hope to become better at seeking and accepting help, as well as failing in front of others.  My pride, perfectionism, and own sense of control are not worth the expense of the stress it all can sometimes create in my life and the lives of those with whom I'm closest.

Phew.  Ironically, I wrote far more than I expected to about a party I decorated for far more than I expected to.  Ha!  If you made it this far, thank you.  I appreciate the time and interest you took in my pictures, ideas, and thoughts.  As always, questions and comments are more than welcome.  Happy to chat about any of it in person, too!  ☺

Transparently,
Kensy

P.S.  An added benefit to all the decoration efforts: since there isn't a holiday for a while after the 4th of July, I just left the b-day decorations up for a couple of weeks!  It was kind-of fun to feel like we continued the celebration.

Favorites of the day:

quality time with others

garden-fresh produce

brunch 

more specifically: this pancake "flight"