Our Very Hungry Caterpillar

As of a month ago, we have a one-year-old in the house!  So hard to believe.  I still don't know how to feel about it.  BUT, I thought I’d share some pictures of his Pinterest-inspired (though not Pinterest-worthy) party! ☺

Bryant's mom made the super cute birthday shirt (GreatStitch), and his mom and sister made the awesome quilt!
(These are for sure Pinterest-worthy, for the record.)

Thank you, Amazon, for having the perfect plain, colored, non-glitter b-day hats that happened to match the "Happy Birthday" banner I've had for years!

Hooray for free online printables and bamboo skewers I always knew I was saving for a reason!

These were his monthly "milestone" pictures!

Never did I ever expect to have a "photo booth" at our one-year-old's birthday party, but it just kind-of happened. 
The caterpillar ended up on the empty spot we usually take pictures in front of, and it ended up being a nice way to commemorate the decoration.

More monthly pics (he had almost exactly the same few poses each month, so I couldn't help but print them all out).

The "spread!"

(Cucumbers and mint fresh from the garden!)

My 4-H cake decorating training/materials came in handy!

His very first cake (or treat of any kind) experience!

He commonly eats with just one hand, so this method wasn't out of the ordinary. 
He took bites a little faster than normal, though. ☺

When they take the cake away...

Made a pretty good dent in it!

This party was a little more involved than I'd originally thought it would be, but when you have all the materials to just keep decorating (thanks to my card-making hobby/materials), you just keep decorating!  haha.  I kept telling myself that because I wasn't planning to make all the food the caterpillar eats in the book, and I also wasn't planning to poke little holes in all the food, I wasn't going completely overboard.  I did, however, put up more decorations than I'd thought I would, and just generally did more than serve a meal and some cake.  It was enjoyable, though, and really fun to make it special.

...

I considered leaving this post at that; a fun DIY party that was enjoyable all around.  In the interest of transparency and sharing life lessons learned, however, I’m going to tell another part of this story.

There were tears involved.   Unnecessary-stress induced tears.  Unnecessary stress-induced tears.

There were a few causes for these tears (including, but not limited to, the fact that our baby was turning ONE), but the unnecessary stress I brought upon myself to put on this super-casual, low-key first birthday party caused me to reach a breaking point.

In an effort to try to help my sweet, patient husband understand what was contributing to my inner turmoil and unrest over this gathering (for which we didn’t even send out formal invitations), I did some serious self-reflection (that I've already shared and talked through with him, for the record). Here’s what I figured out:

I felt alone. Felt is the key word, here. I knew then, and I still know now, that I wasn’t, but for some reason, that didn’t stop me from feeling alone and unsupported in the planning process.  We had a lot going on in the time leading up to this milestone, so yes, I may have been the only one making the specific plans (both necessary and unnecessary ones, mind you).  That doesn’t mean, however, that my husband and pretty much everyone who was going to attend the event didn't offer to help.  As it turns out, I’m just terrible at accepting help and even more terrible at asking for it.  This wasn't the first time this has been an issue for me.  I’ve even been know to rescind a request for help because I felt guilty/bad/burdensome for asking in the first place.  Some would probably say it's a matter of control.  At times, it very well may be, but only in part.  More-so, I just really don't want to inconvenience others, especially when I am fully capable of doing what I'm asking them to do...or when I don't think the task I'd be asking them to do is completely necessary in the first place (i.e. hole-punching pieces for a homemade banner that I wasn't even planning to make).

The other, less-prevalent-in-my-life, thing I realized is that I did more decorating than I'd planned because it was really the only thing I could do in advance.  I couldn't make food more than a couple days ahead of time.  My biggest fear was the cake frosting "melting," so I wanted to wait till the night before to do the cupcakes/cake.  I could only clean so far in advance before things would need cleaning again.  So, since all the plans were made, but I felt like I couldn't do anything in the couple weeks leading up to the party, I just kept making decorations.  I don't regret it (esp. since I didn't really spend money on them - I already had all the materials in my stamping stash...and it's something I enjoy doing), but I do regret the time it took away and stress I allowed it to add to everything else life entailed at the time.

As I was writing this (because goodness knows this wasn't written all in one sitting (#allthenaptimes)), I was listening to a podcast during which they discussed the fear of failing in front of others and the need to have emotions/hurts/feelings/"wrestle points"/circumstances known.  It was my desire for this party to go off without a hitch and be enjoyable for all who attended.  It was also my desire to creatively and economically make it special, which meant several DIY projects.  My fear of it all not getting done, the cake melting, the food not being enough, etc., etc. was real.  If I failed in any of these areas, it would be very evident to those attending the party (who would not have cared/judged at ALL, for the record).  I kept all this fear bottled up inside of me until it came spilling out of my eyeballs in the form of ugly-cry-tears.  I (finally) expressed these fears, took a deep breath, and realized how irrational I was being.  This may have all been a silly reason to come to some of these realizations, but I'm so glad to have come to the realizations, period, regardless of the reason.

Something else that was mentioned on the podcast put into words something I've been trying to explain (to myself and others), but hadn't quite been able to figure out how to do so: "Recreation causes disappearance."  When someone can recreate our feelings/situation in a way we feel completely heard, then that can cause our situation to disappear in a way that no longer bears weight on our life.  I've heard the quote before, but had to look up who said it first: Timothy Keller said (wrote?), "To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything."  Bottom line: God is enough.  He's more than enough, in fact.  He both knows AND loves us, and He's all that matters.  Why, oh why, is this simple, simple truth so difficult to remember, sometimes?  I've been writing (in my head, that is) pieces of a whole other blog post about my desire to be known in my still-fairly-new community and stage of life (outside of marriage), but I'm deciding right at this moment that I'm not going to do so.  Writing the post itself would've been a cry out to be known by others besides the Lord, and it's just not necessary.

So, anyway...here I am, writing to you in an effort to put my fears/failures/mistakes/emotions out in the open; not for sympathy, but in an effort to bring some light and solidarity to some issues I'm sure I'm not the only one struggling with (speaking of struggling, I'm struggling to leave that sentence ending with a preposition, but I'm going to, anyway...choosing my battles...or something like that...).  I hope to become better at seeking and accepting help, as well as failing in front of others.  My pride, perfectionism, and own sense of control are not worth the expense of the stress it all can sometimes create in my life and the lives of those with whom I'm closest.

Phew.  Ironically, I wrote far more than I expected to about a party I decorated for far more than I expected to.  Ha!  If you made it this far, thank you.  I appreciate the time and interest you took in my pictures, ideas, and thoughts.  As always, questions and comments are more than welcome.  Happy to chat about any of it in person, too!  ☺

Transparently,
Kensy

P.S.  An added benefit to all the decoration efforts: since there isn't a holiday for a while after the 4th of July, I just left the b-day decorations up for a couple of weeks!  It was kind-of fun to feel like we continued the celebration.

Favorites of the day:

quality time with others

garden-fresh produce

brunch 

more specifically: this pancake "flight"

My younger man ♥

This is one of those posts I started several months ago. I've added a few things since, but it's mostly as I wrote it then. Glad to be able to share it now, though, because today is the subject(my husband)'s birthday! Please enjoy this post about how wonderful he is and join me in celebrating him! (Yes - he's younger than me, but not by much.)


I just need to brag on my husband for a bit. Not in a "my husband is better than yours" way, or anything like that. Just in a "he's amazing and I want to publicly thank him" way.

Here's the thing:

We often say, "We sure got a good baby!" Not only is he so precious and adorable, but he's also just been an easy baby. He's spoiling us, for sure.

That being said, there have been hard days. Some of those hard days may be the norm for other parents; some of them may be on par with what others experience; some may be worse. Regardless, they get to me, sometimes. I've been labeled a "high achiever," "goody-two-shoes," and a "perfectionist" at various points in my life. I can't help but get down on myself and feel as though I've failed when even the smallest thing doesn't go as it should. (And I can't function well if something is unresolved/out of place/lost/etc.) So, needless to say, when I don't know exactly what to do for my baby and/or nothing I try seems to work, I feel like I'm failing him. Because of my woman's "spaghetti" brain, this permeates into every other aspect of life, and I end up feeling like I'm not succeeding at anything - esp. at being a wife.

Those hard days when I'm feeling like a failure and can't seem to figure out how to function normally are the days when my husband shines especially bright. He never fails to greet me with a hug and a kiss, regardless of how I look or feel. He asks how he can help and/or observes a need and meets it without being asked. He gives me what I need without me knowing I needed it. (Examples of this include: sending me to Target with instructions to get a Starbucks drink and look around a while, even though we only need one thing; clipping a mani/pedi coupon and making sure I go redeem it; finding a Groupon for a massage and sending me to redeem it only after I go get something I want for lunch; taking the load of laundry I just pulled from the dryer and telling me to stay downstairs to watch figure skating while he folds it upstairs.) My personality type does not do a good job of self-care. Self-initiated self-care makes me feel selfish/guilty/unproductive. I'm getting a little better at it, but only because my husband strongly encourages me in this department. I've fought him on it at times, but he stands his ground, and I always come out better for following his instruction. And though he totally deserves to do so, he doesn't even say, "Told ya."

I may have said it before, but he's just such a great dad...and a great husband to me as a mom. He works hard for our family and comes home excited to spend time with us and ready to help however he can. We've continued to do lots of work on our house (more on that later), and I'm continually amazed at all he knows how and learns to do!

We celebrated our third wedding anniversary in October, and in addition to taking me out for dinner (sans baby for the first time, thanks to some dear friends), he also got me these very thoughtful gifts:

Red roses, because that's what my bridal bouquet was comprised of.
The traditional gift for a third year anniversary is leather, so he arranged to have this special sentiment printed on a piece of leather! ♥ 

Though I wrote most of this post months ago, it still all rings true today - perhaps even more so! I simply can't imagine life without this amazing man by my side, and I'm so very thankful for him and the life we've built together.

Happy birthday, Bryant!☺ Love you so much! ♥

With-all-the-heart-eyes,
Kensy

Favorites of the day:

consignment sales

podcasts (let me know if you'd like recommendations!)

This tiny cake, because #moderation, but also #birthdaycake. ☺ 

Summer babies bring spring showers

Thanks for reading past the cheesy title of this post.  ☺  My initial thought was to write it chronologically ("Spring showers bring summer babies"), but we all know that's not actually how it works.  Thanks, pregnancy brain.  

Anyway, we have been so blessed by sooo many people over the past few months.  This baby boy is already very loved and well-cared for - what a lucky guy to have so many great people in his life!

Because words can't fully express how wonderful these celebrations have been, or how grateful we are, I thought I'd share some pictures of some of the kindnesses shown to us and festivities celebrating our growing family.

These are not chronological, for the record.  Rather, they're in order of my life's path, if you will.  It's such a warm/awesome/encouraging feeling to have people from all stages/places/circles of life continue to come around us and support us in so many ways.

Two wonderful friends from high school threw a shower for us in Topeka!
Such yummy food!

So many cute decorations, thanks to this talented, creative lady!

A special gift from the neighbors who where there for my parents when both my brother and I were born.
They gave Q a big baby bottle bank when he was born, so this was a nostalgic gift.

My brother and sis-in-law know my hubby all too well!  ☺

A most special gift from my jr. high/high school band director's wife.
(Yes, this one evoked a couple tears.)

Of course, my mom found a cat book!

Such a special gift from my BFF - a beautiful handwritten wall-hanging for the nursery.
(It's a Bible verse!  Joshua 1:9)

2/5 of the family I baby-sat for for several years from jr. high - college.  That super-grown-up young lady in the middle was the last true newborn who had been in my care regularly!  So...

...I'm thankful this pretty lady helped provide a newborn refresher course a few months ago! ☺
Love this sweet new mama!

☺

Lovely hostesses!

Our Lincoln(area) family threw us a shower, as well!

I couldn't get over the bow-tie forks.  So cute, right?!

The amazing baker/decorator of the delicious cookies - and a wonderful friend! ☺

"The three best friends..."

This guest book became an adorable wall-hanging!

So fun!

This hand-made decoration got to come home with us to find a spot in the nursery, as well!

Such a sweet, cozy quilt from one of my very-talented aunts!

We were overwhelmed by the generosity shown to us and our son!
(The guests brought books instead of cards!)

Our BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) group threw us and a couple engaged to be married a joint shower one night after study.  There were ice cream sundaes, adorable cakes, sweet words of encouragement and prayer, and an outpouring of unexpected gifts.  They sure know how to make a couple feel special!

When I arrived to teach lessons for the last time at the community center where I've volunteered for the past couple of years, there was a sign directing me to the eating area, and this is what was waiting for me!
What a sweet (in every sense of the word) surprise!

One of my students got in on the celebration!

Other students had kind notes for me.

A dinner invitation from our neighbors turned out to be a surprise baby shower with a couple other couples!
We felt so celebrated and supported and are very thankful to live by such wonderful, thoughtful people.
This quilt, made by one of the ladies' mothers, was one of several generous gifts.

Our church family blessed us with an absolutely adorable (and fun!) shower.
Several ladies came together to make it a really enjoyable morning with lots of delicious (and cute) treats!

This was melted chocolate...as were the messes in 7 other diapers.
The goal was to try to guess what candy bar each was!

Little baby leg warmers!

A most perfect outfit!

Homemade hot fudge favors!
(For the record, we'd received some of this for Christmas, as well, and it was definitely something I'd partaken of during pregnancy.  Needless to say, I was very excited to receive a refill! ☺)

♥

Even though we're not right next door, anymore, our former neighbors continue to bless and support us.
What a sweet surprise this hand-knit afghan was!

I'm truly at a loss for words.  We're just so thankful!

Everything has continued to go smoothly with this pregnancy.  We're down to weekly check-ups, now - hard to believe it's gone so fast!  Thank you for all your love and support, whether it be cards, gifts, words of encouragement, helpful hints and advice, and/or prayers!  It takes a village, and we're so glad you're part of ours.  ☺

As usual, thanks for reading.  We'll see if I get any more posts in before this baby makes his entrance! ☺

Appreciatively,
Kensy

Favorites of the day:

the nursery!  (pics to come soon, hopefully)

watermelon

my husband