Reentry

I feel I would be remiss if I didn't somehow mark this season of life in light of the pandemic, not only for posterity's sake, but also for my own reflection and mental processing.  So, here goes.  :)

We have known people who have tested positive for, struggled with, and/or passed from COVID-19, and we've (only just recently) experienced it ourselves.  There has been and is so much else going on in the world, as well, and like many of you, I'm sure, my head has been in a constant state of "spin," and it seems as though my heart cannot handle one more tragedy/conflict/moral dilemma.  While it seems like there's so much we could process together and talk about, conversations in the recent past have seemed to go generally the same way:  

How are you doing?

Oh, you know, hanging in there.  How about you?

Yeah.  Same - just in survival mode.  Anything new going on?

Not really.  You?

Nope.

It has been so hard to wrap our minds around what in the actual world is going on, so hard to figure out how to be in all of this, so hard to know what to do or think, and as a result, we've stayed on the surface of what could be deepening conversations and relationships.  We've seemingly given up some hope and drive and zest.  We've settled for this perpetual "new normal," and despite "making the most of it," we're not necessarily thriving.  Sure, initially, we were innovative and creative and almost excited about finding new ways to fill our time, but as that time went on, we became increasingly wearied by that time that kept and kept and kept going on.  That's seemed to be the case for me, at least.

Don't hear me saying we haven't all been doing the best we can.  And please don't hear me saying (to any of you or to myself) that we should've done more, done better, or done different.  I'm just trying to put words to where we're coming from as we look to where we're going.

I recently read an article titled, in part, "mourning the mom I used to be," and man - so much of it hit home.  As I read it, I also realized not only have I been mourning the mom I used to be, but also the wife, friend, aunt, leader, teacher, and person I used to be.  The pandemic has robbed us of so much, not the least of which is access to experiences, situations, resources, and people that help us to be the best versions of ourselves.  Sure, we figured out to "make do," but it just hasn't been the same.  

See - already, the tone of this post of mine is uncharacteristically pessimistic and dark, right?!  This leads me to the fact that the pandemic has also given us a lot.  One of these "gifts" is a harsh reality check that, at least for me, has lead to some new perspectives.  Being so isolated and unoccupied magnified our home lives and our thought lives.  It's given us time to overhaul our spaces, our marriages, our parenting, and the way we spend our time.  Near the beginning of this pandemic life, I wondered what we'd look like on the other side of it all.  I wondered if we'd maintain the new priorities we'd put into place.  Wondered if we'd still be content to stay home all day for days in a row; if we'd leave space for family time amongst other obligations; if we'd keep our closets organized and our clutter minimal (😉).  And here we are (I think/hope)!  It seems that I won't have to wonder about that time, anymore.  It seems we're there.  (Or "here?"  Whatever makes the most sense.  Notice I didn't say this time has given me extra, new, or even renewed brain cells...)

I took both kids to in-person story time at the library last week, and it was a surprisingly surreal experience.  Pre-COVID, library story time was a regular part of Jacob and I's routine.  We started going as soon as he dropped his morning nap (around 15 months, I think), and we attended a couple times a week.  He loved the librarians, learned/practiced social skills, and met some of his (and my) best friends there.

When the pandemic hit, we obviously stopped going to story time...and everywhere else.  My little social butterfly who, for many reasons, thrived on our daily outings, was caged, if you will.  You may remember how early-COVID days went around here, as documented in this video.

Late last year, thanks to a friend's generous offer to stay with Lydia during her morning nap, I was able to take Jacob back to a couple story times - one was outside and one was very sparsely attended and somewhat disjointed, and both were are not-our-usual library.  Because our previous story time experiences were half his lifetime ago, Jacob only remembered these COVID ones, as far as I could tell.  So, you can imagine his (and my) delight when we attended last week and there were several families in attendance, he remembered the librarians, and activities included both bubbles and the parachute.  Plus, we got to share it all with Lydia for the first time.

That's partially where the surreal-ness came in, for me.  I hadn't gotten to be "this mom" with her, yet.  I haven't gotten to show her the world...or the world her, for that matter.  How relieving it was to see her so comfortable and engaged in this almost-normal, pre-COVID environment.  She caught on quickly, was independently involved, and acted like she'd been doing it all her whole life.

She took it upon herself to pick up all the unattended carpet squares after putting away her own.

Do you see that boy's face?!  ♥

After story time, we went to a park to play and have a picnic (giving myself a gold star for this foresight and preparedness - haha).  It was suuuuch a beautiful day, and the sunshine and warmth were doing wonders for everyone.  Some older-than-Jacob boys showed up shortly after we'd finished our lunch.  Not only did Jacob require minimal encouragement to approach them, but when he did, he introduced himself ("and this is my sister Lydia," he said of his own accord) and asked if they wanted to play a game of tag.  How relieving it was to see him so comfortable and engaged in this almost-normal, pre-COVID environment.  He was friendly, played fair, and made sure everyone watched out for his "little sister" (something he hasn't had opportunity to implement much and did all on his own).

Days like these (story time + park + picnic in the sunshine) assure me that all is not lost.  Kids really are resilient, and it's never too late to "get back out there" - for them or for yourself.  I'm still the person I was pre-pandemic, and I can still be the mom I was, too.  How relieving it was to see me so comfortable and engaged in this almost-normal, pre-COVID environment.  I made small talk, arrived on time and prepared (after being so out of practice), and truly enjoyed a large portion of the day with my sweet kiddos (don't take this the wrong way - of course I'm very grateful to be able to stay home with them, but if you can't relate, just trust me when I say it's not always enjoyable).  While it's ok to mourn the mom I hadn't been able to be, I can also be grateful to have gained so many new tools and experiences during our quarantine life the last couple of years (still crazy to put that time stamp on it all, right?!).

All that to say, the world is such a volatile place, these days.  Perhaps it always was, and we're just hyper-sensitive to it, since we haven't had much else to occupy our time and minds?  Who knows.  Regardless, it almost makes me want to just keep staying at home.  Keep living in our bubble of Pinterest activities, backyard playtime, and limited interaction with the outside world.  But only almost.  There is still beauty to be found and joy to be felt.  There are still connections to be made and relationships to be had.  There are still adventures to embark on and places to explore.  We will not live in fear.  Plus, I can't keep these two all to myself - their light is too bright and their joy too immense. ♥

The Lord has sustained us through this past season, and He will sustain us through the next...and the next...and the next.  I am so thankful for the hope, peace, wisdom, and provision He provides.  I am in constant awe of His grace and His kindness.  When the world is so dark and humanity seems hopeless, I cling to the fact that His love and forgiveness are for everyone, and I pray everyone has the opportunity to accept and profess that truth.  I am ready to keep helping make that happen.  

I am ready to regain some of what we've lost.  I am ready to move forward with new perspectives, new tools, and new expectations.  I'm ready to remember and appreciate who we were - who I was - and excited to discover who we'll become - who I'll become.  Are you?

Readily,

Kensy

Favorites of the day:

all the new words Lydia is trying out

meeting new people

the PAT (Parents As Teachers) program

(This may be another blog post for some day, but for now, I highly recommend this program for new parents/parents of young children.  We just (finally) started and I regret not doing so sooner, if nothing else than for the affirmation and encouragement I've already received from an expert in the field of young children/parenting.  How valuable to a stay-at-home mom, especially!  Really thankful for this resource.)

Our ONEderful Little Ladybug

Thank you all for your sweet feedback surrounding my previous post about our gardening adventures!  Between that and birthday celebrations, the summer really flew by.  I'm realizing only just now that I never posted about Jacob's birthday festivities - woops!  Will try to do so soon.  Speaking of his birthday - I looked back at his first bday post when deciding what to title this one, and apparently, we have a "bug" theme going...haha.

There are so many things I could write a blog post about, right now.  Everything in the world just feels heavy; I can feel it all in the pit of my stomach as I write this.  We have experienced things on both personal and global levels that leave us feeling helpless, discouraged, anxious...the list goes on.  It probably doesn't help that we just visited the Auschwitz exhibit at Union Station (I would highly recommend taking the opportunity to experience this, if you're able).  I have not been able to collect my swarming thoughts enough to talk about it all, much less write about it, at this point.  So, instead, I'd like to share something that has brought us joy in the recent past: Lydia's first birthday!

Our sweet baby girl has been such a light in our lives, as well as the lives of those around us - including you, perhaps!  While I am (mostly) saddened by the end of the newborn and baby phases, it is thrilling to watch her personality continue to blossom.  She is learning and trying and showing us new things every day, and it's just so fun!  It's especially sweet to be able to watch it all unfold through Jacob's eyes, as well, and bear witness to their ever-strengthening relationship.

As you likely (safely) assumed if you saw my Facebook post about the celebration, the "ladybug" theme was Pinterest-inspired, and it was executed with the help of Dollar Tree and my Cricut.  I have found I truly enjoy putting together a theme party - not only for the "awe"/"aww" it evokes in guests, but also for the creative processes that go into creating the various elements.  Admittedly, when it comes to crunch time, I can become slightly high-strung and one little thing going awry may send me over the edge.  When I can remember to relax and enjoy the process and the event, however, it truly is a joy.  (It helps, of course, when kiddos nap and/or go to bed on time, so I have ample windows of opportunity to do all this.  Shoutout and huge thanks to my ever-helpful and patient husband who creates space for this, regardless of how the kids' sleeping schedules pan out.)  I have tried to pinpoint who exactly I "do it all" for, and I've had a hard time doing so, because I think I can honestly answer, "Everyone involved."  I thought about the very real possibility of the celebration having only been our little immediate family, and even then, I would have done most all of what I did.  Not only for Lydia's sake, but also for Jacob's, for my own, and for the sake of sharing it virtually with those who couldn't be there.  While that wasn't completely the case, I'm still happy to share with you!  ☺

It all came together even better than I'd imagined.
(Of course, I already had that polka-dot wrapping paper and red bows in my collection.)

♥
Yes, I painted her toes for the occasion.  You're not surprised.

This was a variation on a couple ideas I'd seen, and one guest immediately recognized them for what they were supposed to represent.  Perhaps, given the context, you do, as well.  ;)

Perfect way to use up some of our countless cherry tomatoes!
(Headless ladybugs for those guests who "don't do" olives.)

The cake and cupcakes were an end-of-the-night project, and I'm just "ok" with how they turned out.

There was way more frosting on her smash cake (which Jacob called a "smoosh" cake all week - haha) than I originally intended, but at that point, I thought, "It is what it is," and just went with it.

This is as close as I got to getting a full table-scape picture - haha.
(I'm not sure how to feel admitting that I didn't purchase any of the paper/plasticware for this party, but rather, shopped my stash of clearance purchases...many of which were made years ago.  I'm not the only one who collects these things for "such a time as this," right?)

♥

We tried to get a picture of her with the cake...

...and even though she likely had no idea what it actually was, she was very upset when we took it away to put in a candle.

She was fine once we started singing and even more fine when she got to dig in.

It didn't even occur to me to think about the color contrast drawing her to the black dots, but it did.  She tried one of those first, and reached for every one after that...completely bypassing the red frosting - haha.

I was so tickled by how our guests embraced the theme!
(Those are ladybug crayons!)

Hand-drawn/colored wrapping paper! ♥

I came across these bookmarks in my Amazon search for party favors.  Pretty sure I had one as a kid...

We saved back one present for her to open on her actual birthday.
Needless to say, the gifts were gifts that kept on giving, as Jacob was even more excited than the birthday girl about all the new toys...and this mama was appreciative of the independent playtime it took to explore them all!  ;)

COVID necessitated multiple small celebrations of our birthday girl (still more to come!), and we are totally ok with prolonging the festivities!  One particular additional celebration included an adorable shirt and card made by Nanny Byers and a beautiful (and delicious!) strawberry cake from The Laughing Place Bakery.  (KC locals, be sure to check them out - soooo many yummy things!  They sure make it easy to support local!)

☺

Does this make you drool, or what?!  It was really yummy (and gluten free!).

Thanks, as always, for making it this far!  I hope this has provided a welcome respite from the less-happy content in your feed, in your mind, and in your heart.  We work hard to recognize and embrace the joy around us...and thankfully, there are many times we don't have to look too far for it.

I pray we can all find ways to be a little more like Jesus each day; to spread more love and joy; to eliminate division; to see and consider and have compassion on one another.  May the Lord have mercy on our broken world - past, present, and future - and may we allow Him to use us to mend it.

As joyfully as possible,

Kensy

Favorites of the day:

Ted Lasso

stamping weekend

This snack Jacob left for me to enjoy while I taught piano lessons the other day.

I was excited to put up this birthday banner as birthday month kicked off!
The monthly-pictures-with-corresponding-headbands (in rainbow order, of course) was my own original idea. ☺

Nothing and everything

Did anyone besides me think I'd actually get a post out on the precise "COVID-versary?"  A few days late isn't bad, though...especially given the year its been.  Right?  ;)  I didn't really intend to write a "one year later" post, but then, it all kind of hit me, and as you know, this is how I best process.  

I can't remember whether or not I've written much about the IF:Gathering in the past (and I can't afford the time to search the archives), so I'll give an elevator pitch here:

The IF:Gathering is a women's conference held in TX and live-streamed (even pre-2021) to viewers worldwide.  The theme each year centers around "IF" (What IF God is real?  What IF He keeps His promises?  How do we respond?).  This year, the theme was "Even:IF - Even IF the worst happens, we don't lose hope."  Women are invited to host IF:Locals in their churches, homes, schools, etc., and for the last few years, I have led a team to host an IF:Local at our church.  We typically gather Friday evening and most of Saturday to tune in to the live worship and speakers, share meals and snacks, participate in great conversation, and make a craft or two.  IF:2020 was one of the last big "things" in my/our life before the stay-at-home orders went into place. 

So, as I sat down to watch IF:2021 - alone, in our basement, while corresponding with ladies from our church on the live chat feature - I got teary.  Yes, we have missed several "normal" gatherings, events, occasions, etc. in the past year, but we found ways to work around them, compromise, and make the best of the worst.  Yes, this virtual IF:Gathering was the best possible work-around for all involved, and the IF team made it all so easy for us to tune in and stay as connected as possible - I wasn't sad because I had to miss out on the content, or anything.

Baby's first IF:Gathering
(just briefly during her before-bed feeding...so, I guess I wasn't alone the whole time - haha)

What made me most sad was the connection, conversation, quiet stillness, corporate worship, and honestly, yummy snacks we were all missing out on.  I was sad thinking about so many viewing it together, yet alone in our separate places, and knowing how much better it could be...how much better it always was.  I was sad knowing how much we're all craving normalcy and hugs and face-to-face, non-masked conversation.  I did what I could to make the ladies from our church who tuned in feel special and connected, but felt helpless to provide what I know at least I wanted: an extended period of time to ourselves, out of our homes, being filled spiritually, emotionally, physically, and relationally - not worrying about who's cooking or what's happening next or what else we should be doing.  As this was all hitting me harder than I expected, I was trying to figure out why.  

After a year of quarantine, it feels like nothing has changed.  We are still keeping to ourselves as much as possible.  We are still only making necessary shopping trips (for the most part).  We have only seen a handful of people face-to-face/"in real life" over the course of an entire year.  We go through the drive-thrus, pick out library books online, and have play dates and story time via FaceTime.  We are still hesitant to make concrete plans outside of our "bubble," not knowing what's coming next.  This has all started to feel normal, and I wish it didn't.

At the same time, however, as I think about our family and what's been going on in our little corner of the world for a year, now, everything has changed!  We are a family of four - we have TWO kids!  Our baby boy is nearing the end of toddlerhood.  Our new baby girl is over half a year old, now!  Whereas a year ago we hardly went two days in a row without getting out of the house, we've become accustomed to spending days on end at home...sometimes even without setting foot outside (thanks a lot, subzero temps).  Now, it's even sometimes our preference to stay home (granted, it's much easier to do so (see above note about the TWO kids)).  

While I still wish it didn't feel quite so normal to not have plans, to not see other people, to be home all the time, and to wear a mask, the year of "extreme togetherness" has been a gift in so many ways.  The lack of events, celebrations, and gatherings have allowed me to feel more content to just "be" in our new season of life.  It didn't feel like we were missing out on much, if anything, when we were in the newborn stage and even now, as we continue to live that "sleep, eat, play, repeat (and poop, if we're lucky)" life.  We've developed new rhythms, made lifestyle changes, and spent more time together than ever before, and I it has been so beneficial.    

God's timing, His peace, and His control are more evident to me as a result of this season than any other time in my life, I think.  He continues to provide in so many ways - both tangible and intangible; He always has.  Perhaps, I am just more attuned to it all.  Perhaps my head and heart are more clear, and therefore, able to take time and space to recognize these things, rather than being distracted by so much else.  Perhaps this is what I needed to learn and what I most need to take away from "all this COVID stuff" - to be more attentive to how God is working in my life, how He's showing up for me and those around me, and how I need to respond.

In spite of the hope vaccinations bring and the glimpses of normalcy the warmer weather may promise, the world is still so broken, unstable, and confusing.  God, on the other hand, is not.  He has not changed.  He is and was and forever will be hope, certainty, and peace.  He is our rock and our protector.  If only we will remember this and lean on Him...and encourage others to do so, as well.

May His peace, which surpasses all understanding, guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

Lovingly and prayerfully,

Kensy

Favorites of the day:

sprouts and buds and all things spring

nap scheduled aligning (!!!!)

This girl...and this outfit from our "hand-me-downs collection."

Our 2020 (so far)

2020 has been a lot of things for a lot of people.  There's been so much going on globally, nationally, locally...and the majority of what we hear about has been steeped in negativity.  My lack of comment on the world’s happenings is not out of ignorance or lack of compassion - I am just as saddened/frustrated/confused/scared as the next person.  Those feelings, however, are ones I'd rather not sit in, and I'm not one to stir the pot.  Instead, I'd like to share a couple (major) silver linings that have shown around the clouds of 2020 in our little corner of the world in an effort to spread some positivity and light.

First of all, and probably most obviously, we became a family of four!  Lydia Kaylynn was born September 9th - the day before her due date.  (If you're interested in her birth story, I've documented it here.)  Her first name is one we've liked for a long time, and her middle name is both her grandmothers' middle names combined.  What a precious gift she is!

(A generous and thoughtful group of friends gifted us a newborn/family photo session with a talented friend from church (@ladder_and_lens - if you're in the KC area, be sure to check her out - she'll be doing holiday mini-sessions soon!).)  

Many of you have asked how Jacob is adjusting, and I know even more of you are probably wondering.  He was very excited for us to come back from the hospital and barely took time to greet his dad and I before taking a peek at "baby sister."  It took less than 24 hours, however, for him to say things like, "I don't love it when she cries" and "When is she going to leave?"  He has come around, though, and we've all settled in more and more with each passing day.  He truly loves to help - fetch things, help with bath, feed her, etc., so that's been fun.  Any feelings of jealousy/neglect/annoyance/etc. have manifested themselves in some behavior issues, so that hasn't been fun.  He's been such an easy kiddo thus far, so these probably seem worse than they are, simply because he's been so good up until now.  He's also three, though, so these things are probably to be expected - new baby or not.  I've shed some tears over it all - both in frustration and exhaustion, but also a bit in mourning our "only child" and wondering if/when he'll go back to the way he was.  But then I realize that's expecting the impossible of him - life is different for all of us in a forever sort of way.  I've needed to tap into some extra grace for both him and myself as we navigate the new.  The year has been full of transition and change, and I think we are all craving some routine and normalcy - certainly in this house, at least.  Whether or not reestablishing some sort of routine will help with the adjustment period is yet to be seen, but either way, we'll figure it out.  

Perfect capture of the face we get when asking him to smile, these days. 
Of course he would choose the month he gains a sibling and we'd like to take allll the cute pictures to decide to try his hand at fake-smiling.

Moments like this make it all worth it, though.
(This was unpromted...he really does love her.)

Lydia has been such a good baby!  The first week or so was a bit rocky, as expected - hormones, all the changes, lack of sleep, etc. - but once we got our "newborn legs" under us, a bit, we started settling in more and more.  The most challenging thing, so far, as with our last baby, has been figuring out feeding.  She nurses like a champ, but for whatever reason, doesn't get enough milk from me, so we're supplementing some formula.  This is what we did with Jacob, as well - it just didn't take us as long to figure out what to do with Lydia.  It was still a hard thing for me, though, and I don't know if I can fully explain why except to say I was simply disappointed.  Disappointed it wasn't different this time (as I sort of expected being our second child).  Disappointed in my body and/or myself for not being able to figure out how to make it work better.  And once I realized and accepted it's out of my control, disappointed that it didn't work better.  I'm in a much better place now, though, and it's all going just fine.  A sweet perk of supplementing has been Jacob being able to help feed Lydia.  Early on, I think he was disappointed that I was the only one able to feed her, because due to books we'd read and things he'd observed, he assumed all babies ate from bottles and he'd be able to help.  So, when he first saw the bottle out, he said, "That will be easier!" meaning that would be easier for him to use to feed her.  He immediately asked to help, and of course, we obliged.  This was something I'd forgotten he would want to help with, so hadn't expected him to be so anxious to be included.  His enthusiasm and joy made all the other emotions/turmoil I'd been experiencing totally worth it.

♥

Secondly:

As many of you know, and others may have picked up on, Bryant (along with almost 50% of the company he worked for) was laid off due to COVID at the beginning of August (after being furloughed in July and asked to burn most of his vacation days in June).  This was something we had sort of anticipated at the beginning of "all this" in March, but as spring turned into summer, we thought there was less of a chance of it happening, so it came as quite a surprise.

You may be thinking, as we were, "What about insurance?  Aren't you expecting a baby?"  This was definitely one of the things we were most concerned about.  Because he worked one day at the beginning of August, our insurance plan through his employer would be good through the end of August - right before we were expected to deliver a baby in early September.  Bryant did an amazing job researching potential options for us, and as a result, he discovered that I, as a pregnant woman, qualified for Medicaid (so did Jacob).  That meant my appointments and Lydia's birth would be completely covered!  Here's the more amazing part, though: had he collected one more paycheck, we would've been over the income threshold and not qualified.  Thanks, God.

A little over a year ago, our church small group went through Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University (FPU).  Bryant and I have always kept a budget, but this program helped us tighten it up and be more conscious of our financial planning.  Because of this, we really were able to experience peace during this time of unemployment.  I realize this isn't the case for everyone when they lose a job, and I absolutely do not take it for granted.  I share this, however, because it is yet another piece of evidence that God had it all under control all along.  Also, I'd encourage anyone and everyone to participate in FPU (or something similar) in whatever capacity you're able - it really pays off (pun not originally intended).

As I mentioned, Bryant's previous employer required employees to use up all but a couple days of their vacation in the month of June, due to COVID.  So, had he still been working in September, he would've only had a few days off at the beginning of our transition to a family of four.  Instead, he's been home for weeks - both before and after the birth.  What a true blessing it's been to have him here.  Not only has he been home as we navigate the newborn phase with a toddler, but he was also home at the end of my pregnancy (when I was struggling to get down and up off the floor to play with Jacob, couldn't really lift things, was going to the bathroom every five minutes, etc.).  I'm certain the help he provided, and therefore, the extra rest I was able to get, contributed positively to my general mental health and largely to my quick recovery after delivery.  

Since we couldn't really travel during this time, we spent our time at home, which meant lots of quality family time (as well as mother/son and father/son time).  I can't tell you how many lists we made, finished, and re-made, because we had plenty of time and headspace to complete lingering projects before we had a new baby.  Because we were able to get so much done beforehand, we've really been able to focus on family time and rest when we can since she's been here.  

I've been waiting to share all this till we were "out of the woods" and on the other side of it all.  Not because I doubted it would happen - just because I wanted to be able to wrap it all up in one neat and tidy blog post, if possible - haha.  I'm happy to say that after submitting almost 60 job applications, several interviews (via phone, Zoom, and in person), and a few offers, Bryant is starting a new job tomorrow!  It's a normal M-F 8-hour day shift, which is not always the case in his line of work and is really wonderful for our family.  The position itself is a great career move for him and something he's excited about.

While we are so, so thankful for this job, it will surely be yet another adjustment for everyone.  Jacob and I (and now, Lydia, whether she realizes it or not) have become very accustomed to having Daddy home on a daily basis.  We've developed some rhythms over the past few months that have been so enjoyable but will be hard to break.  Please do not hear any of this as a complaint on my part - again, we're so glad for this employment opportunity.  We'll just be sad to see this sweet, dreamy season end.

You see all these silver linings, right?  Bryant was unemployed for months, and while at the onset it was scary and stressful, looking back, it was truly a blessing in disguise.  How else would he have had over a month off after the birth of our new baby?  How else would we have been able to accomplish everything we did so quickly and stress-free?  When else would he have gotten to spend so much one-on-one time with Jacob (doing lots of things, but mostly playing on the awesome swing set he built...and when would he have had time to do that, too?!)?

I realize not all of you believe in God, so perhaps you just perceive me as simply being optimistic about all this.  Even the strongest pessimist, though, would surely have a hard time ignoring the silver linings in our 2020.  Perhaps you are a believer, but find yourself in the middle of a similar (or worse) circumstance and doubting God's plan.  For us, what seemed like the worst timing may have actually been the best, and I truly believe it was not an accident.  I'm confident the Lord orchestrated every detail in our specific circumstance, as He does all circumstances.  I see this as clear evidence of His faithfulness and provision, and I pray this evidence will point you toward Him and serve as a reminder of His goodness.

Thank you so much to those of you who have supported, encouraged, and prayed for us during this time.  Thank you, also, for all the gifts and meals many of you have provided as we welcomed Lydia to our family.  These things would’ve been greatly appreciated, no matter when we might have had a baby, but they blessed us even more during this time when our budget was tighter than normal.  I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: we have an amazing village who loves us so well - in all circumstances, but especially through tough ones.  To say we have a lot to be thankful for is an understatement.  

Amazedly,
Kensy

Favorites of the day:

fall weather (mostly the perfect-70's-windows-open days, but the cozier ones, too)

This meal - made and plated by my super-dad husband who made the tomato soup from our garden-fresh tomatoes (and basil) while wearing a baby.

Being able to complete this project: processing all our garden-fresh butternut squash!
(It's amazing what one can accomplish with just a newborn around after becoming accustomed to a newborn AND a toddler.  Was thankful for some quality time with this sweet baby girl, as well as some time to get a few things done.)

Our Birth Story #2

I realize a lot of you probably don't care about all these details, but I also know enough of you do that it would be easiest to share them this way, rather than on an individual basis.  As I've said, too, this is a way for me to preserve our family's memories, so even if no one reads this particular post, it's at least been documented for posterity's sake.  So, all that said, here is Lydia's birth story:

At my ~39 week appt., I was dilated 3 cm and 50% effaced, which was no progress since my last week's appt.  Baby and I were both fine, and I still felt good, but we were reaching the end and time for her to be on the outside.  So, for several reasons, I decided to be induced, and based on everyone's schedules and a few logistics, we ended up scheduling the induction for the very next morning.

(This isn't necessarily actual-birth-related, but I want to remember the mixed feelings I had about scheduling this birth.  First of all, I felt like a little bit of a failure after having done everything in the book to make things happen naturally, only to find out my body hadn't made any progress.  Secondly, I love surprises, so I think part of my disappointment stemmed from the fact that we knew, generally, when she would arrive.  I was also feeling a little guilty that we'd had several (generously helpful) people on "standby" which meant putting their lives on hold, a bit, and we didn't end up needing to call on them.  That said, I was glad to have the time to truly plan and get things squared away (though we'd been doing that for weeks) before leaving for the hospital.  It was also valuable to be able to prepare Jacob and for my parents to have plenty of lead time to come stay with him.  Knowing it was our last night as a family of three made me a little emotional, but it was a relief to know she'd be here and we'd be able to move onto the next season.)

We arrived at the hospital, as instructed, at 6:00 a.m. - right when the shift was changing.  After checking in and being shown to our room, the nurses got me all charted, situated, and hooked up to start the lowest possible dosage of Pitocin around 7:20 a.m.  Shortly thereafter, we asked if I could take a COVID-19 test, so I could take my mask off, and the nurses said, "Of course!"  The (rapid) test was a self-administered 15-second swab of each nostril - "far enough up to the point that you feel like you're going to sneeze."  I swabbed and sneezed and sat back to wait for things to start moving.  My doctor arrived, as planned, to break my water at 8:30 a.m.

As the day progressed, and my body didn't, the Pitocin dosage was increased.  Lunchtime came and went, and the contractions became stronger and stronger.  At some point, I threw up all the clear liquid "food" I'd had throughout the morning - something that had happened when I was in labor the previous time.  We tried several different labor positions/techniques, so when the nurse told me around 2:00 p.m. that I was only dilated to 6 cm at the rate of 1 cm per hour, I was disappointed and so conflicted.  I was on Pitocin for my last delivery, so I knew what I was in for as far as pain goes, and at that point, I didn't know whether or not I could mentally or physically make it another four hours.  With that in mind, I made the decision to get an epidural (something I didn't do the last time).  The hour it took for the orders to be made, anesthesiologist to arrive, explanations to be given, and epidural to finally be administered was excruciating - physically and mentally.  For whatever reason, the contractions really ramped up in severity during that time, and it felt like the relief was never going to come.

It did, though, and I felt like a different person (and it showed, according to my husband).  Shortly thereafter, my blood pressure dropped, which meant the baby's heartrate did, too.  The nurses were having a hard time keeping track of her with the external monitor, so they made a plan to put in an internal one at the same time they put in a catheter (standard procedure after an epidural).  As the nurse prepared me for this, however, she discovered I was 10 cm dilated and 100% effaced.  They were all shocked, because just an hour earlier I was at 6 cm and maybe 75%.  So, they scratched the monitor/catheter plan, called the doctor, and prepared for delivery.  Once the doctor got there, I pushed three times and was done!  Bryant barely had time to get gloves on to help with the delivery.

And then she was here!  We waited in our room for quite a while (the nurses were busy that night) before being transferred to a room (with a "view" in the form of mountain view window clings of sorts to block the actual view of rooftops/HVAC systems).  We spent the night and most of the next day, and after passing all the usual check-ups and tests, we were discharged the next evening!  We absolutely could have stayed at the hospital longer, but there was really no reason to, as far as we were concerned.  My recovery was and has been easy and quick (for which I am very thankful), and Lydia has been doing all the right newborn things.

Hospital billboard on our way there - it says, "Ready for you."
Thought it was funny/appropriate/ironic. ☺

Here we go!

He got to catch another baby!

♥

I'd totally forgotten they made hospital hats with bows!

Aunt Jami made all our matchy-matchy-red-and-white-polka-dot dreams come true!

Thanks for reading!  Thank you, also, for those of you who supported, prayed, and encouraged us through the journey.  Happy to talk through any of this in more detail (yes, there are actually more details - haha) with anyone who'd like to do so. 

Sleeping as much as I can,

Kensy

Favorites of the day:

Ethiopian food

dark chocolate

Lydia's bow collection.
I'm not even going to try to justify it...but if you know me well, you know this is what dreams are made of.  ♥